Struggle | H.S | AU |

Forty Eight|

Hours after we said our goodbyes to Zayn, we sat in the living room. I had never seen them so beaten, there was no happiness amongst the 4 guys. I was busy in the kitchen making everyone some tea. I'm mean tea makes everything better right? It was also because I couldn't handle seeing them all like this even Niall wasn't smiling. I let out a deep sigh and pulled my hands through my hair. The water was boiling, so I grabbed some teacups and some flavours to serve along with it and put it on the table in the living room. I myself didn't stay in the room because I still felt guilty for not being able to safe Zayn. I made my way upstairs stopping in front of Zayn's room and opened the door. The smell was horrible, so there was only one thing to do and that was cleaning the room.

I dashed back to the kitchen and filled a bucket with cleaning supplies and walked back upstairs and I started to pull of the dirty sheets and threw them in a garbage bag. I also had to get rid of the matrass but for now I just pushed it to the hallway. I went back into the room and scrubbed every square of the room. I wasn't sure how long I had been in here when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I was startled to say the least, not out of fear but only because I was going up in my own thoughts.

"Anna, you don't have to do this." Harry said when he turned me around to face him. I nodded because well he was right but this was all I could do to not lose it. I didn't want to appear weak and if I would break down, I would cry and it would be the bad kind of crying. I never saw someone die in front of me and this was all too much but there was no way I was going to let him see that. At least I did everything to avoid crying in front of anyone, it didn't mean I wouldn't cry if he kept staring at me like that for much longer.

"I know, but I have to do something." He eyed me carefully "You don't have to be this tough, it's just me." I know he meant well but it was not helping. Showing weakness in front of Harry, there was just no way. "I'm fine, just let me finish this and would you please burn that mattress?" I asked him without looking at him. His hand disappeared from my arm and I heard him lift the matrass, without any complaints.

An hour or so later I was finally done. The room smelled fresh as a daisy and to my surprise nobody had come and check on me, not even Louis. I had thought that when Harry would tell them what I was doing he would be the one to stop me but he never showed his face. This made me think that Harry gave orders to not disturb me. I had to thank him for that later on but now I just wanted to take a shower. I walked out of the room but stopped when I saw the four lads leaning across the hallway, watching me. I quickly threw a glance over my body to see of something was wrong but there was nothing unusual.

I opened my mouth to ask them what was wrong but Louis put his hand up to stop me, so I closed my mouth again. "Thank you Anna." Was all he said but I did not know why he thanked me and I think that showed on my face as they all smiled softly at me. Louis crossed the hallway and stopped right in front of me and pulled me in a hug. This shocked me deeply as he was the one who never really treated me nicely.

"Thank you so much Anna." He whispered again and I still didn't get it. "Why are you thanking me?" I asked whilst hugging him back. "For helping us and for everything you did to save Zayn." I was at a lost for words because I didn't save him. "But." He pushed me back gently and put his hand over my mouth. "I know you think you didn't save him but you did, you gave him time to say goodbye and that's all he wanted." I must look utterly confused but I still gave him a weak smile. I was close to breaking now and that must've shown on my face as they all crossed the room and next thing I know I was pulled in a group hug and that done it.

I felt the first tears fall on my cheek and that made them all let go of me except for Harry, he kept me in his arms and as the others walked away silently Harry pulled me into his own room and placed me softly on his bed. He shifted me so that I was hold tight in his embrace. "Let it all out, love." He murmured against my hair and that's exactly what I did. I was sobbing my heart out. Everything that had happened the past few weeks came out. I couldn't stop and eventually I couldn't breath properly. "Try to relax, Anna" I listened to his breathing and after a few minutes I steadied my own breathing again and the crying stopped eventually. Harry was still rubbing my back and I savoured in his arms.