My heart wrenches each time trauma happened
Why does it hurt so bad whenever I see him do it?
I just love him so bad that love gets so mad at me for it
I just want to know why I'm always upset with such minor things
It doesn't so much when others in my family do it
Just for him, it hits as it killed me watching my mother do it to herself when she was on the ventilator
It shouldn't hurt or damage me when it's not like him having major asthma problems
Honestly, I'm too sensitive and vulnerable when it comes to things that trigger a vein in my heart
I don't express such feelings too well I just lie that I'm okae.
I need to pull myself together and be stone
It's right for me to be able to not be expressive as I like
I express too much apart from anyone who knows me as being a loud, sweet, social butterfly
I don't understand myself when things hurt me, I turn into hurting myself
I don't want to tell him everything I feel because I would feel neglected in the end
I form a fake smile at times or act cold to attempt in hiding my pain
I feel like I became too vulnerable for him that I want to stop by hurting myself
I wish to live my life, but I know I have responsibilities when it comes to that.
I want to stop crying, I want to stop showing such pain in my eyes and actions
I need to train myself into stopping it like I have before
More time to space out and more time in hurting myself secretly... more time in lying that I take care of myself
Maybe one day I'd stop hurting so much...
But rn I feel is too much for me to bare.
Save me before I fall...
12/02/2023
