Teacher's pet (Book 2)

42 || Planning for the future

The months go by quickly. Quicker than I had anticipated or than I wanted. I spend most of my time studying, faking my engagement to Draco, and figuring out a way to stop that engagement. The latter turns out to be impossible though. No matter what Severus and I come up with, we know it's no use with Lucius having all the power. After a few months of hopeless overthinking, we realise that he's got us checkmate. The only chance of escaping him is by jumping off the board.

June is approaching soon and Severus and I are both feeling the pressure building. I'm sitting on his sofa with a map in front of me and he's sitting at the table, surrounded by potion and spell books. "We could go to a small village near Rouen? Nature is supposed to be beautiful out there." I suggest casually.

I'm startled by him slamming his fist onto the wooden table. "We are not going anywhere." His loud voice echoes through his chambers. When I look at him I see wrinkles in his forehead and around his eyes. I can tell he's tired. I decide to put the map down and walk over to my lover. Softly, I put my hands on his shoulders and start massaging them. I lean over to kiss him on his cheek.

"Sev, you've done more than your best. And I really wish we would've found a way by now... but I think it's time to face reality." I tell him gently. He stiffens beneath my hands.

"I'm not saying you have to stop trying, because I know you won't do that. I'm just asking you to start planning with me." I add, my voice getting softer the more I feel him tense.

"There's no need to plan anything because I will fix this." He states irritatedly.

"Severus, please just listen to me." I walk around him in order to see his face. Now I can tell that he's shutting me out completely. "No, you listen to me!" He responds angrily. "I will fix this. I will make sure you can stay here with your friends and family. You will not marry Draco and you will not leave England." He says through gritted teeth.

"You can't fix everything, Sev. You have to realise that there is a possibility we will have to leave." I respond calmly.

"What kind of man am I then?!" He exclaims. "If I have to flee." He grabs the roots of his hair in frustration. "If I can't save the woman I love."

I push all of his research to the side and hop onto the table, sitting in front of him. My fingers reach for his chin and I gently lift it. "You are a man that did everything in his power to save me. And you're the man that will have a beautiful life with his soon to be wife in northern France." I say with a small smile.

"How can I be worthy of you... how can I live with myself if cannot get you out of this predicament?" He whispers as he looks into my eyes.

"Sev... you don't have to fix a mess that I have made. You've done more than enough. I know that moving away isn't the first choice for the both of us, but we'll make it work. And I want to apologise to you... this is all my fault, if I hadn't started fake dating Draco-"

"We're both at fault here, darling. If I hadn't come to that Christmas dinner, Lucius would have never known." Severus interrupts me. "I simply cannot fail you. You shouldn't have to leave your family and friends to protect me."

"Stop it! Stop it!" I exclaim earnestly as I take his head in both of my hands. "You are not a burden if that's what you think. And you are not a failure! You have been trying so hard-"

"Yes and failing." He interrupts me again.

"No! You've been showing me how much you care about us and our future together. I don't call that failing." I respond sternly. "Listen... we've got a little over a month left. I'm going to spend that time planning out our new life. I'm hoping you will help me with that?"