Teacher's pet (Book 2)

43 || Touch me

Another three weeks have passed and Severus is still no closer to fixing the mess Lucius put us in. The more I ask him to stop the more frustrated he gets. On top of that, he has a business trip coming up with Dumbledore. He'll have to leave three days before the wedding and will be back the morning of the wedding. Dumbledore's paying him extra because apparently it's a secret mission that has nothing to do with business at all. Severus doesn't want to tell me what it is but he can't get out of it and the money is a nice addition.

I found a wedding officiant in London willing to elope Severus and I on the day of my wedding. Afterwards Severus and I will travel south and take the boat to France. We want to leave undetected and use as little magic as possible, scared of Lucius tracking us.

I gave Severus my box with leaflets but he hasn't bothered to look at them yet. He's too stubborn to admit that this is the only way we'll ever be together. He better come around quickly though because we've made a deal and I'm not letting him go to Azkaban. I know he hates himself for having to run away. It's not that he's embarrassed to have failed himself, he's embarrassed to have failed me. He feels like a loser and unworthy of my love if he runs away with me. No matter how many times I tell him that it's quite the opposite and that he'd be showing me his devotion, he doesn't listen. He's so obsessed with giving me what he thinks I deserve that he once again ignores what I actually want.

"Sev." I whisper.

"Sev!" I say again, this time poking him.

He's fixated on another book, which I already know won't be solving our problems.

"Sev, put the book down please?" I ask seriously, crossing my arms as I face him while sitting on the sofa. He's on the edge of the sofa, turning page after page.

I've had enough. It's time to face reality.

I take the book out of his hands and put it on the table. He finally turns his face towards me and I can look into his eyes. He's got huge bags under his eyes and the light has vanished from his eyes. I scooch closer to him and take his hands in mine.

"Do you remember the deal we made a few months ago? What you promised me?" I ask softly with a smile.

He rolls his eyes in annoyance. "Of course I remember." His hand lets go of mine and reaches towards the table to take his book back.

"Then keep it, please." I pull the book away from him again and force him to look into my eyes. "At least look at the leaflets."

"I'm sorry, I have to keep thinking, to keep trying." He answers and grabs his book once again.

"No, sev don't. I need you right now. I feel so disconnected from you. I have been for a few weeks now. I need to talk, I need to look into your eyes... I need to touch you." It feels like my words disappear in the air between us, like they barely make it to him. He stops his movements and looks back at me.

"I'm sorry, my love. That has never been my intention."

Finally. He listens to me.

He drops the book and turns his full attention towards me, taking my hands in his. "I've been feeling so lost." He admits. "I just want to be the man you deserve." I feel a pang of hurt in my heart the moment his eyes meet mine. They bear a sort of sadness in them.

"You are more than the man I deserve, Severus." I tell him with a strict look on my face. "Please stop draining yourself." I plead with him.

"I'm scared you will resent me." He whispers.

"Resent you?! Why would I ever resent you?"

"You have people here that love you. You have a life, a promising future here. I don't. Nobody cares if I leave. I have no one but you. I'd be perfectly content with you in whatever place we end up. But you, you'll be homesick." He explains, his eyes tired and his face filled with sadness.