Fever Dream Red

19

"Thought I'd find you here." Sunny appeared and sat beside me. Her being that close to me set my heart on fire. I didn't show it, of course. My pride was too great for that.

"Tea's nearly ready. Or dinner, as Nick insists on us calling it."
"Don't you think the sunset is beautiful?" I asked her.

It really was. The lemony sun had melted to the horizon, a fire of orange and pink inspiring over it. The blue sea reflected this innocently, slow sloshes of waves rolling in calmly.

"I guess." Sunny nodded, perhaps confusedly.

I didn't think she got me in the way I seemed to get her. It was painful to admit that she probably didn't like me back.

There were times when I could happily imagine she did. When she looking in my eyes, there seemed to be some kind of draw between them. And there were times when it seemed like she yearned to do something, before restraining herself.

But there were just as many times when it was clear that all of this was happening in my dreams. Like when she didn't seem to know things about me. Or when she speaks to me as if I'm just another being to her, like I'm not special or different to anyone else.

I was kidding myself, even now.

I sighed with undetectable sadness and we walked up to The Base. The trip is surprisingly quiet, with only the crunch of gravel and our hurrying breaths.

It surprised me when I realised how hungry I was. I had eaten a caesar salad at twelve. That was it.

I remember this day clearly when I look back. All of the others blend together like a painting, the only days sticking out to me at the forefront the really significant ones.

Days at The Base were good and all, but you were trapped. It was clear you couldn't leave. The closest you could get was the sea, which is why I so commonly ventured there.

I had a roast dinner for tea that night. I hate roast dinners.

Little people chattered, we were all seemingly either famished or tired, and perhaps both. I can recall going to bed that day simply eagar to escape Nick's eye for a while.

Nobody said anything about my newly refreshed appearance. A few eyebrows did succeed to rise though. All the same, it felt destructive wiping it off at the end of the day, like I was ruining a wonderful piece of art forever. I did it anyway, ruthless in my exhaustion.

As I said, I don't remember a lot else. The days at The Base slipped away and faded into one. I spent most of my days the same anyway - at the beach minding my own business.

Some memories flicker on, however, not let beaten by the ways of time. I can remember certain events that took place within the days. They stuck out oddly. I shouldn't remember them. They weren't exactly important.

But the days stretched on. In the early days I never really saw Eli, Zoe or Mimi. I never really saw Lily or Aggie or either.

I spent most of my time raving to Sunny mindlessy in a desperate attempt for her to like me. I used to get made up by Inez every day. She used to choose my dress too.

Every day it was a dress. They got more extravagent, too. Low necklines, more ruffles, tighter corsets. It became suffocating. I was drowning in lace.

I used to talk rubbish to Zack and Doug and Danny. Me and Sunny once had an hour conversation with them about which type of chocolate was better.

Sunny liked white chocolate. I was more on the darker side of the spectrum. The boys just liked plain old milk.

Sometimes I used to visit Skye and go swimming with them in the pool. I tried convincing them to go to the sea. They never did. "There's sharks in there!"
"Not many."
"Anything could kill me. I could be... I don't know, dragged under or something!" They raved like an insanity.
"By who?"
"Nick?"

We both bursted out laughing.

"I don't know! He's everywhere these days!"

And he was nearing closer to us. There was nobody else here except us and the men in suits.

On odd occasions he used to come to the beach to see me, enthusing about how much I loved it. It bored me to tears. I would have gladly jumped into the sea headfirst in my ruffled scarlet dress. I always got sand in them anyway.

I became fast friends with someone else though. There was Fae, who never really said or did a whole lot except care for her kid.

She used to come down to the beach with her kid. It was either her or her boyfriend.

She came down one day when I was trying to skim rocks on the water.

Fae came up, close to me. She kept glancing at me nervously, as if I was holding her at gunpoint.

I didn't know what she wanted, but I started a conversation with her.
"I can never figure this out. Can you do this?" I turned to Fae and asked her, making sure she saw my wide eyes and furrowed eyebrows.

She picked up on it perfectly.

"Connor can do it." Fae shifted from one foot to the other awkwardly. She didn't know what to do with herself.
"Connor?" I said in response.
"You know, my boyfriend?" Fae asked, grinning slightly out of awkwardness.

I laughed all the same anyway.

"Oh. I'm...sorry. I never talk to him or see him around much, so I don't really know him."
"He's always caring for this little one."

I then became acutely aware of the baby being cradled by Fae.

"What is it called?"
"She's called Nova." Fae's face became sad. "I don't know who is gonna accompany her when she's older."
"Won't you be here?"
"I don't know. None of us know, do we?"