Fever Dream Red

23

My heart dropped to the bottom of the pool.

I didn't think he would be already gone by the tome I had dived into the pool. I thought he would at least stay the night, so I could pay my solemn silent goodbyes. Danny didn't even leave me that luxury.

My heart then split into two as I realised that if I followed Danny's orders I would have to lie to Inez.

One half of my heart knew that was what I had to do, even if I died doing it. Danny had told me to, knowing he'd do the same for me out of nobility. He was my brother- I couldn't betray him.

My other half heart wanted to blab. It was melodramatic, upset at the heavy burden that had been placed so precariously on my young back. It was purely selfish of him to tell me. It served no logical purpose at all. It was purely emotional.

But I knew my duty. I shrugged as casually as I could and said:
"I don't know. I haven't seen him since we both went to the beach earlier."
"What did he say he was going to do?" Inez asked me, partly in desperation and partly in anger.

"You and I both know Danny hates the sea and the beach and.. well... all of it. He wouldn't go down there by choice. He told you something. Did he tell you what he was going to do?"
"No he didn't say-"
"Come on Finny! Tell me please!"
"There's nothing to tell!"
Inez turned away for a moment, tears ruining her perfect facade.
"I'm just scared he's done something stupid. Something he'll regret."

I looked down at my reflection in the water with disgust. I had ruined Inez, plain and simple. The guilt nearly came up my throat, spilling all my secrets out with it, but somehow it eased.

"I'm scared too." I murmered with melancholy as I got out of the water. Inez pulled me into a hug, getting her perfect dress wet in the process.

She wiped her eyes and smiled sadly.

"Let's go look for him. He's probably around here somewere. We're probably just being silly." She giggled. It wasn't a giggle at all, really. It was empty of any happiness or joy. Fear and anxiety reeked off of it instead. It was supposed to ease me, but it sent frogs in my throat.

We walked up to his bedroom. It was opposite mine, and as we wondered in I was astounded by how plain it was. It was still bloody in its hue, but there wasn't any falshy new furniture or opulent antiques. It was plain, small and lesser than. There was only a desk, a bed and a chair in the corner.

It was terribly unsatisfactory for what seemed to be a palace.

Inez practically ran to the desk and started rifling through the drawers, determined to find some clue to where her brother had gone. I, on the other hand, looked on his desks. Cheap drawings lay there, lifeless graphite ressurected by the human hand. Danny was always good at drawing. I smiled softly to myself, and wished I hadn't let him go so easily. I should've put up a fight and made him stay. I should've done anything but watch him leave, on the last train to the rest of the world.

Inez sighed and sighed again as her harvest came up fruitless. I pocketed the drawings. I knew I could then trace the lines in peace. I thought it would help me to imagine his hands on the paper just hours before, creating and moulding.

We wondered around the whole place. The veneer cafeteria, the snazzy reception, the pool, the everything. He was nowhere.

Room by room Inez grew all the more anxious and irritable, muttering to herself like a carzy person. Her hair became frizzier, her dress more ruffled, and her make up became smudged as if someone kept rubbing at it frantically.

When we'd searched the gardens, Inez huffed and said:
"That's it! I'm telling Nick."

That detonated another bomb in my soul, but it was going to happen sometime anyway. I just hoped that Danny and Zack had made their escape and were long away from here. I willed them to.

Whilst Inez informed Nick of the situation, I asked around. Sunny and Fae had no clue. Lily amd Aggie didn't either. I didn't bother asking Eli and Mimi: I was still afraid of them.

Skye heard me, though, and hurried up to me.
"Has Danny gone too?" They asked me hurriedly.
"Yes. Why? Who else has gone?"
"Zack. I can't find him anywhere. He didn't say anything and I'm scared, Finny. You know how he is. What if he's done something stupid? He could get himself killed out there!" They ranted frantically.
I hugged them hard. I knew how they were feeling because I felt it too. It was overwhelming and scary and I wanted nothing but to go back to the day before when this feeling was minimal.

It was like I couldn't relax and I couldn't res ever again. The feeling made my voice go and my heart to pound and my skin to sweat like I had just ran miles. The ragged breaths caught in my throat and I wished more than anything I was not in my body. I wanted nothing more than to escape.

So I higged them hard, and for once our bodies spoke the same language of unknown grief.

I decided to go to bed, even though I knew I couldn't sleep. I also knew I couldn't eat my tea or sit around and chat like everything was fine, because nothing was. I couldn't wear the facade.

I heard voices and flashlights calling from my window for my brother, as if he was a lost child. He was anything but lost, and hopefully he was somewhere free. At least he was free. It was more than any of us could say.