While We're Here

Part 2: Self-Immolation

Part 2:Self-Immolation
I'm sorry for being me
For I know you hate it when I am who I am
It's okay I too despise myself
So?
If I were to go would it be better for everyone else?

7. Dead, happy, alone
I killed myself because everyone
Acted like they didn't like me
Now I'm dead and you're saying I'm selfish
Why can't I just go and let you all enjoy this
Why won't you let me go
I thought you would enjoy this

Keep asking if I was depressed and at some point I was
But this isn't about that
I just didn't believe this life was worth it
I thought I had found happiness but the world led me to believe I didn't deserve it

He killed himself because he believed we didn't care
Now he's dead how could we be so clueless
Why did you have to go
What is it that he couldn't tell us
How did we not know
How could we be so heartless

Never checked up on him
But we do now
More for ourselves and not for him
Several footprints at his grave
Some coming out some going in

Don't know what he wanted but we clearly didn't have it
So in the end
Who are we to call him selfish
When we clearly couldn't stop him from believing he didn't deserve happiness

8. By my side
And when I died I wanted you by my side
And when I lied you wanted to cry
Let me go the noose has already been tied

But I don't mean it in that way
That's not the picture I'm trying to paint
I needed a reason to feel like this
So my soul I started to Taint

Felt disgusting, dishonorable and destroyed
so I made bad decisions to compensate
salvation?
it's too late

I wrote this story
I picked my fate
Don't try to save me because that's the type of person I hate
Just let me go but stay by my side
So when I die I'll know you were real and not another lie

9. Is anybody listening
I do not believe anyone is listening
Nor do I know if I've ever been heard
Does anyone even know that I've uttered not one but many poetic words
Perhaps you're all aware but choose not to pay attention

But that does not mean my emotions must go unspoken
Perhaps I'm broken
Unaware that I am the cause of my own misfortune
Unaware that I am the reason no one lends me their ears,hearts or minds

It's all very much plausible that I've been the problem the whole time
Am I the creator of my own tears
As well the collector
Do I sip on my tears as if they were a sweet nectar
Am I a masochist
Do I enjoy seeing myself in pain
Am I stuck have I made myself this way

I need answers
I need help
I need someone to let me know if what I'm doing or better yet if what I'm saying is okay

But no ones here to help
Because they're not listening are they?

10. The kids are not alright
Please don't let me die
Not alone
Not while I feel like the life I've lived is a lie
Let me breathe
Let me survive
Let me tell one truth
Let me know what that feels like

Please don't let me go
Not as I cry
Not because I'm a disappointment to myself but because there are others my existence does not satisfy
Let them see
Let them smile
Let them know I tried
Let them know I'll try

Please don't let me rest
I'm not at my best
Not while this boulder, this weight sits on my chest
Crushing my lungs no life no air
But my hearts on my sleeve so I'm really not scared
I won't go out like this not until I make them care
Let us search
Let us find time
Let us fight
Let us be alright

11. My own hand to hold
Why can't we just live?
Live and fall in love
Laugh and smile
Then think about it later
Think about it for a while

Let us enjoy the present
Then seek to define and label it
Once it has become the past
I believe that's why they tell us to enjoy it while it lasts
Because if they're right and life does move by pretty fast

Let's not waste our time let's live prepared to crash

I'm terrified that I wasted my chance
I feel like I'm running out of time
And letting everything I've had and could have
Slip through my hands
Like an empty attempt to capture sand

I'm sorry I'm doing the best I can

Why can't I forgive myself I'm still a kid
Not yet a man
I want to live! I want to laugh!
But I can't I'm holding myself back
Holding my own hand
Trying to live but then betraying myself
And saying come back

"you know we weren't meant for that"

12. Justified self loathing
I'm trying please forgive
I'm trying
Trying not to be me
Trying to be someone that won't burden you constantly

But I'm grateful
Grateful for the good times you've given me
And for the greater times you'll bring to me
Provide
Then you protect me

Please I'm begging you just a little bit
Neglect me
Don't forget me
Just do something for yourselves
You've been far too good to me

I can't apologize enough
I can't thank you enough
I fucked up
But I'll always appreciate your love.

Part 2 displays the aftermath of all the decisions the young man has made. Showing us how living within that false sense of happiness has led to a deeper self-loathing which is why he begins to believe that self-immolation is the answer because it will be good for him and those around him if he left.
He believes this would be righteous. So he goes on and on glorifying the decision he is about to make. Trying to convince the world that this is the right thing to do but even more so trying to convince himself so that he can get rid of the guilt he feels when he thinks about what he's leaving behind.