Two years later.
"Juls! Sama ka ba mamaya?" Cecile asked. "Mag-a-afterparty ang buong barkada." She excitedly added while clinging in my arm. Kakatapos lang ng graduation namin and i'm supposed to be home now kasi dumating na si dad from abroad kaya nauna na rin si mom sa akin after the ceremony para sunduin siya, marami pa kasi kaming inasikaso kanina after the event. Ngumiti lang naman ako as I politely want to tell her that i'm not going to attend. Pero iba ang lumabas sa bibig ko.
"Kasama ba si Dylan?"
"Of course! Parte rin siya ng barkada, hindi ba?" she asked me again but her voice slowly toned down as if realizing something. "Are you still not in good terms with him? Akala ko okay na kayong dalawa kasi I saw you interacting the other day."
Pilit na napangiti ako sa kaniya, sana hindi niya mahalata, pero I feel really awkward kapag may gimik kami at kasama si Dylan. The guilt i've been feeling makes me think na kung kani-kanino niya na sinasabi kung bakit nasira 'yung friendship namin. And I can't help but to feel ashamed around everybody that gets close to him.
Storya niya 'yun e, siyempre kasalanan ko. Hindi naman nila alam kung anong naramdaman ko all throughout those days, but explaining for something that already happened a long time ago is worthless. As if may makikinig sa akin.
"Juliet?" Cecile peeked on my face kaya natauhan ako. "Ah, ano? Ano nga ulit 'yung sinabi mo kanina?"
"Si Dylan, hindi pa ba kayo okay? Parang ilang buwan ko nang napapansin na napipilitan lang kayong kausapin ang isa't-isa, dahil ba 'yun sa amin? Kasi inaasar namin kayong dalawa when infact wala na talaga?"
Napanganga ako sa tanong niya. Anong wala na talaga? Wala naman talagang kami in the first place. If she meant about the feeling, as of for me, hindi ko rin alam. I miss him sometimes but I don't know if it's because of love. There are times that you just miss something because you want to have that feeling again but not the person who made you experience it.
"No... No, we're fine..." I kind of lied to her, kasi hindi ko rin alam kung ayos na ba kami? We've settled things out before, saying that we both agreed na wala nang away o kahit anong drama. But after that, hindi na rin naman kami nag-usap pa. Nagkasama lang kami ulit when he became friends with Cheska at naging part ako ng squad ni Cecile, and that friendship merged pagtungtong namin ng senior high.
She was about to ask a question when my phone rang. My world stopped as soon as I saw tita's number flashing on my screen. Madalas natatakot akong sagutin ang mga tawag niya because she just won't stop nagging at me. Kesyo bakit ang tagal kong umuwi, kesyo baka lumalandi na ako dito, kesyo baka umuwi akong lumulobo na ang tiyan. She has so much negative speculations about me when i'm just studying to make them proud.
Right after Dylan, hindi na ako ulit nakikipag-interact closely sa mga lalaki. I may have crushes at inaasar ako ng mga kaibigan ko but I tried so hard to stop myself. Bukod sa alam kong pagagalitan ako, I have developed a mindset na hindi ko deserve sumaya kapag hindi masaya si Dylan.
Ang kapal ng mukha kong manakit tapos magiging masaya na ako agad sa iba. Minsan, nasasaktan pa rin ako if he gets close to other girls. Nanliliit ako sa sarili ko lalo na't 'di hamak na mas maganda sila sa akin. Atsaka halos lahat ng mga madidikit sa kaniya, nagiging achiever. Eh ako? Hindi ko alam.
Naging dependent ako sa kaniya noon. Now, I just feel so detached.
Right after him, wala na akong pakealam masyado sa grades ko, but nagiging honor student pa rin naman. Nakikipagsabayan pa rin sa rank niya, but I still feel like, my efforts were not enough. Compared to me, mas effective siya when it comes to recitations and performance tasks.
BINABASA MO ANG
Midnights of Us
General FictionJuliet Claire Corpuz is a hypersensitive girl, which in many ways, made her felt overwhelmed time after time because of also bearing the fear of abandonment. She grew up in a household that requires her to suppress her emotions until it drowned her...
