Midnights of Us

Chapter Four

Although Gio just laughed at me that day, I still feel guilty. I've been avoiding to get close to anyone because I might hurt them anytime if I can't control my impulses. I may have the right to react that way because of shock, but seeing and remembering how he was in pain while holding his chest that time, it only made me feel anxious.

Because what if he has a heart illness? Or what if he might develop some, because of me? And if something bad happens to him, I might never... ever... forgive myself...

"Hey."

"Earth to Juliet?" Somebody snapped its fingers infront of me so I turned to see who it was. "Kanina ka pa tulala, anong iniisip mo?" Cecile sat by the empty chair on my side. It's supposed to be Dylan's, but he's been changing seats from time to time as if getting near me is a dangerous act. Ano ba kasi talagang nagawa ko? Hindi ko naman siya aawayin if he's not making me feel neglected and out of place.

Kung hindi niya naman pala kayang panindigan in real life, he should've never confessed to me in the first place. Hindi 'yung kung nagsisimula na ring mahulog ang tao, tsaka naman niya ako lalayuan tapos magiging sweet lang sa chat.

"Life is a fucking shit, no?" I sighed before turning to my current seatmate. Of all the people I interacted here after Dylan, she's the person i'm most comfortable to talk with. Maybe because she shared one of her secrets to me that she dearly hid from everyone except me.

Nobody ever trusted me for a secret before, even if I think i've trusted them enough with mine—that's why Brie and my old friends happened. So trust is an honor and previlige that one could ever give, and if anybody's not able to give me that at this point, I swear I will never give them mine either.

"Lalim naman ng mga pinaghuhugutan mo, Juls."

"Wala lang, i'm just wondering why nobody stays with me," I said, lips trembling as the emotions I tried to hold back, broke the glass I poured it in. Before I could even tell her anything, hinila ko siya sa likod ng classroom where students don't usually dwell.

I tried to stop myself from venting out, but to no avail, I just started sharing her every single thing that bothered me starting from what happened to Brie up to my worries that I might do the same thing with Dylan if i'm not careful enough...

"Lately, i've been pushing him away whenever I feel like he's gonna leave me... And if he starts avoiding me, that's when I start to desperately pull him back, because I can't see myself without him staying by my side... it's toxic, I know." I dried my own tears. "But can they just not leave me hanging this time?"

She smiled apologetically at me as she held my hand tightly with both of her hands. "I wanna hug you but i'm afraid you wouldn't feel comfortable for that. So let me hold your hand because someone told me that it's also to tell someone's hurting soul that they're not alone at all..."

"Can I hug you then?"

She nodded at me before giving me a tight hug. "You should cheer up. Nakalimutan ko tuloy kung bakit kita nilapitan kanina, hinahanap ka sa akin ni Gio, hoy. Mag-la-last minute practice pa raw kayo para sa talent contest mo mamaya."

"Omg..."

"Omg ka talaga," she said, laughing at me. "Go ka na roon, goodluck, Julie!" She pushed me a little so I ran faster than my normal speed. I feel my feet shaking so bad I could stumble on the ground. But honestly, it feels weird.

My heart feels so light but at the same time it's palpitating as if I drank 11 cups of coffee on this day. Is this happiness?

I don't know...

But this euphoric feeling makes me think I could achieve anything I wanted in this world—it's as if I could defy fate and write my own story where everything's just going to be perfectly fine.