The Devil's Poison (Akutagawa X Reader)

Chapter 16/ Excuses

"We need to talk."

Akutagawa had said, his tone causing you to freeze.

About what? What could be so important that Akutagawa of all people confronts you? You thought to yourself, nerves creeping up your spine.

"Oh uh, we do? About what?" You asked, trying your best not to fumble over your words.

Akutagawa just looked at you, his face showing many emotions all at once, causing you to fight to figure out what he could possibly be feeling.

"You." He said, his gaze seemingly hardening as he spoke.

You looked up at him, your mind racing more then it already was. If that was even possible.

"Me? About what? Did I do something to piss you off again?" You said, a sigh escaping your lips as you spoke.

You doing something wrong was the only thing you could think that would cause him to come confront you. So that's what you expected this to be about.

Because there's no way he came in here to talk about feelings or whatever.

There was a tch from the man, his eyes rolling as he stood there, not saying a word.

It was like he was hesitating, like the words he had to say just couldn't form in his mouth.

"Mori told me you got promoted, so you'll be put on more missions, with me."

You just looked at him, your face scrunching in confusion.

Why does this matter? Why does he care enough to come barging into my personal space? You thought.

"Well ya, but why does it matter?" You said, an eyebrow rising as you looked at the man.

To your surprise Akutagawa stiffened, his gaze hardening as he turned his head away from you. "It doesn't, it's just that means I have to deal with a runt like you more, like I didn't have to enough already."

You let out a sigh, your eyes rolling as you took in his words. "So you came all the way here just to te me the obvious?"

"I- no!" Akutagawa stumbled out, his gaze shooting back to land on you. "I came here to say don't expect much... Just because we'll be spending more time together, doesn't mean I'll warm up to you, or that things will change! I still won't hesitate to rip you apart if you keep falling behind!"

You let out a sigh, your face falling. "Again, you're just saying the obvious."

"Oh shut it!" The man said, his tone having a hint of strain in it, like he was holding something from coming out.

Before you knew it he was storming from your room, leaving you alone once again.

Though to no surprise he left your door open, causing you to shout in annoyance as you stormed to the door to close it. "Damnit close the door next time you brat!"

There was no shock in you when there was no response back, the figure of the man slowly disappearing down the hall.

You closed the door, another sigh escaping your lips as you moved to lay back on the couch. Your meal surely cold now.

"What is up with him?" you mumbled to yourself, your mind wondering as you thought over the situation.

He was extra anxious, as you'd put it. Like something was bothering him, or as if he was unsure about something but didn't know what.

Like everything he said was just some excuse to cover up what he was really thinking.

It just didn't make sense at all.

Though wondering about it for hours would be useless. Trying to figure anything out about Akutagawa without him telling you directly was more of a waste of time then trying to dig with a spoon.

So you gave up. You soon growing tired, your body too drained to even worry about the now cold food or the show you were gonna watch.

You eventually drifting off to sleep on the couch, the long day finally creeping over you.

▽▽▽

Soon after Akutagawa left your place he went straight to his own, his body feeling run down after the weight of carrying himself around all day.

Being alive was like a burden to the man. Not because he didn't want to live, but because his body was too frail and weak.

He suffered from a lung disease, one he contracted from early childhood because of his living conditions.

It caused his body to grow weaker by the day, and quite frankly, he didn't know how much time he had left to live.

Though that was the least of his concern, well sorta.

His main concern was to be noticed by Dazai, to prove he can be worthy of his grace. Though if he died before he could prove that then that would be a problem.

So now here he is, changing into something more comfortable before he slips into bed, the urge to get off his feet becoming overwhelming.

He let out a coughing wheeze into his hand, pain surging through his chest. A coughing fit soon erupting throughout his body.

Nothing unusual once his body relaxes after the long day.

He struggled to remember what it was like when he wasn't dying, when he didn't have to force himself to take each step every day.

Though no matter how hard he tried he could never remember, it being too long since the day he could.

Since the day he was happy.

He longed to feel happy again, to feel like he was worthy of being alive. Though that feeling too became only a memory to him, as he hasn't felt it in years.

Akutagawa truely believed that if he felt happiness again he wouldn't recognize it. Like it would just be a foreign feeling he'd quickly push away and numb, not giving a second thought as to what it could be.

He always did that, replacing any strange emotion with anger or exhaustion to avoid dealing with it.

Emotions was a waste of time to him, and only got in the way of his goal.

So that's why he always snapped at you, or told himself he hated you.

Because you get in the way, just being another person to look after or Mori would have his head.

But the biggest reason, was because you made him feel emotion.

You made him feel human, instead of like some dog.