Daffodils

Chapter 16

Days had passed. I was still in the hope that maybe someday or the other, they'll forgive me. But it seems like they were having fun without me being around. I tried approaching them. They all ignored me, Andrew even gave me warning to stay away from all of them, but, Kim didn't ignored me. I still remember the conversation we had.

"K-kim." I called his name out weakly. He turned around and looked at me. His gaze was soft. He wasn't angry with me, he was more disappointed.

"Rick, I made it crystal clear that I don't want to talk to you. What part of this is hard to understand for you?" He folded his arms in front of his chest.

"I-I'm sorry." I wasn't crying. Wasn't even sniffling. But my throat was choke up on something that I couldn't make clear words.

"Okay, and?" He raised an eyebrow. I was just looking at his face confusingly. "You done? I'm leaving now. Don't try to approach me ever again." He turned away.

"K-kim, please, wait." He turned around and faced me. His expressions changed from soft to sorrow.

"My heart was just a game for you, I knew it, but still I let you play with it. Want to know why?" He took a step towards me. He was standing really close to me. I can see his glossy eyes. "Because that's how many love stories build. But ours was extremely unlucky. You know, why?" He raised his head and look directly into my eyes. The rage was clearly seen in his eyes. "Because it had you in it." He chuckled and left me there.

After that day, I tried talking with him. He never ignored me, but he never even replied me properly. Once, Joe saw me approaching him and he messaged the gang. They all came to me after the school and warned me to stay away from Kim. They are the truest friends one can ever have. When I had them with me, nobody dared to come near me. Now I had to confront them. Time has changed totally. But I was glad that Kim had those guys beside him, who loves him unconditionally. Kim even changed his seats with me. He now sat with the other guy, while I sat alone.

After that incident, I stopped talking with Lisa completely. I sometimes messaged her to know about her mental health and about her parent's divorce. And that was all. I never approached her in school, I didn't feel like talking with anyone other than Kim. But he didn't want to talk to me. After few days, I stopped approaching him.

Those days were really rough for me. I had to pretend that I was normal in front of my parents while I was totally a mess inside. They just saw the blue side of mine while the grey was hidden. If they saw me sad or even distracted, they'll shower me with questions. And I didn't know the answers. So the best thing was to pretend.  I greet them cheerfully, played with them a lot, spent my most of the time with them. Being with them felt safe. I had only them with me at that time.

Everything was slowly started getting normal. I learnt to live like that. I entered classes, attended them without paying attention, got ignored by my friends and came home to spend time with my wonderful and amazing dads. It was the new normal for me. I enjoyed myself at that time. I stopped thinking about everything else. I couldn't take that much pressure. So I controlled my thoughts. I was just suppressing them. I knew that it's not healthy, but I didn't want to burst and ruin everything all over again. The only thing I can do at that time was to keep myself sane. And that's what I was doing.

It was strange. I always wanted to be with Lisa. And when I had a chance, I ruined it. I completely ignored her. Even she approached me thrice in school, but I brushed her off. It was really selfish of me. But I wasn't in my normal mind. I couldn't do anything. I lost Lisa too. And I didn't want to mourn that. I ignored everything and live my life.

"Are you good, son?" Dad approached me while I was lost in my thoughts.

"Yes, dad. Why?" He glanced at me and sat beside me.

"You can lie, but your tears can't." He said and I realised that I was crying. He wiped my tears with his thumb and cupped my face.

"Look, I and your dady are observing you since a month or more. And you've always been this sad or confused or God knows what. The Rick we had known since birth was lost somewhere within you. And you didn't seem like finding him anytime soon." I nodded. And tears started flowing out of my eyes without my permission.

"But you need to find yourself. We've always supported you, and always going to do the same. But only our support is not enough for you. You need to do something for yourself."

"I-i know, dad. I'm trying." I replied faintly.

"We know you are trying. And we appreciate you for that. But just focus more on yourself." He gave me an assuring smile. "Is it, somehow, related to Kim?" He asked me and I sternly looked at him.

"N-no." I said and hung my head low.

"Okay, so it is related to Kim." He said and I nodded slightly. "If you are not comfortable with a relationship with him, then talk to him and ask him to be friends again. You both have time, son. You don't have to rush things. At the end of the day, you both have eachother." Dad tried convincing me. But everything he did was of no use. Everything was already ruined. I've already lost Kim. And there's no chance where we have eachother. We parted our ways and we'll never crossroads now. But I couldn't tell him. It was hard to lie to dad, but I was left with no other option. I remained silent.

He slowly got up and left my room. I was again left alone with my thoughts. But as I decided, I didn't overthink and went to sleep. My life was going like this. I skipped schools too, alot.

One day, I decided to got out of my room and go for a walk. It was raining, so I picked my raincoat from behind the door. I got up and went out of the house. I followed my instincts. I didn't know where I was going. I was just walking and let my legs decide where they wanted to go. I reached to my destination. I didn't realised where I was until the sound of running water reached my ears and my body shivered due to the cold breeze.

It was raining heavily. I went to the under bridge where I, along with gang and Lisa used to enjoy our moment. Under bridge was like a second home to all of us. We laughed, played, fought and cried there. But whatever we did, we did everything together. Sometimes Lisa were missing, but all 7 of us were permanent. I remember, once Joe and Andrew had an ugly fight there, we all decided not to go to that place ever again. Even though they sorted out their fight, but we didn't want to remember the worst moment, but later some days we started missing our spot, so we went there and started making beautiful memories.

But today, here I am, all alone. I wander the place, and wished for everyone to be there, to be with me. But there was no one. I started daydreaming about the gang. That we were all laughing and teasing eachother. Spilled cold drinks and chips all over the place. Laughing as there's no tomorrow. But all the things, all the moments were in the past. I have no one here with me, even I'm lost somewhere within myself. The place which was our comfort place once, felt so disturbing that day, I wanted to run away from there.

I wandered the place for a little while more, but I soon ran away when my eyes started filling with warm tears. The tears were warm, but the place was cold as ice without the gang. I was lost in my thoughts while I walked towards my home.