I Hate the Way...

Part 29: "I'm So Sorry"

"Raf?"

He doesn't say anything for a moment. He imagined his whole flight home, what he might say when he saw her, he tried to prepare himself to see his friend like this, hurting.

"How are you—What are you doing here?" Hope asks. Last she checked, he was supposed to be on the other side of the planet.

He shakes his head, disbelief and tears in his eyes, "When they said you were still alive, I—I had to come see it for myself. After what I saw out there..." He shakes his head again, letting out a wavering breath, trying to remove the image from his mind altogether. He makes his way over toward the bed and immediately wraps the woman in his arms, whispering, "I thought I lost you."

Hope assures him, "Not a chance, brother. You couldn't lose me even if you tried."

Hope calling him 'brother' only brings it back more.

He winces at the auditory memory, 'Make it home safe, Raf. I love you, brother.'

Those were her words, moments before her life nearly ended before his eyes.

Hope feels him physically tense up, and she pulls away, asking hesitantly, "What happened out there, Raf?"

He furrows his eyebrows, "You don't remember?"

She shakes her head, "I remember taking off, but everything after that is a blur. It's been coming back in pieces, slowly. Did we finish the mission?"

Raf nods, averting his gaze as he sits on the edge of the bed, and Josie takes a seat in the chair next to Hope, wondering what happened too, as she takes her wife's hand in her own, intertwining their fingers for comfort.

"Yeah, we finished the mission. Your laser wasn't working, so you had to eye-ball the shot. It was a perfect hit," He sighs before continuing onto what Hope really wants to know. He just really doesn't want to relive it, "On our climb out, we passed the flight ceiling, just like we practiced in the simulations. But there were more radar-guided missiles than we prepared for. We ran out of deflectors and flares. And when the last three missiles fired at me..." He shakes his head at the memory, "You intercepted them. You took a hit to your left wing and your engine. Luckily the third missile detonated prematurely."

Josie gasps quietly and covers her mouth, while Hope just furrows her eyebrows, trying to take it all in.

And Raf continues, "You dropped from about 600 feet after the hit. I don't know how you survived the hit or the fall, but it looked like you deployed your chute at the very last second..."

Hope swallows thickly.

Raf finally looks up to her, "You saved my life, Hope. "

Hope takes a breath. That's not what she expected to hear. But now that she has, she knows this was all worth it. The pain she feels, it's all worth it.

"I don't know how I could ever repay you, I mean, I owe you everythi—"

Hope shakes her head, "You don't owe me anything, Raf. You're my brother. And I'd do it all again."

She sees a stray cheek rolling down Raf's cheek as he brings her into another hug, "I love you."

Hope nods into his shoulder, "I love you too."

Eventually they pull away, and Hope wipes one of her own tears, "So, um," She clears her throat, "How did you even find me out there?"

Suddenly Raf's demeanor shifts and he bows his head, "Hope, there's, uhh—there's something you need to know..."

Hope furrows her eyebrows, silently urging him to continue. Now she's worried.

"After the hit, there were enemy pilots closing in. I had orders to return to base, and the reinforcement pilots were a negative. But we didn't listen. Kaleb and Maya took off and I circled back—"

"What?! Why would you do that??" Hope sits up immediately, ignoring the radiating pain in her body.

"We couldn't just leave you there, Hope!...Kaleb found you, and Maya and I were in a dogfight with the pilots—" Raf gets worked up again.

Hope asks worriedly, "Where's Kaleb and Maya now?"

"Kaleb will be fine. He's getting minor treatments back on base—"

"What about Maya?"

Raf shakes his head. He doesn't want to say it.

"Raf, what about Maya?"

Josie already knows where this is headed. She feels her heart sink to her stomach, shattering for Hope.

Raf's eyes pool with tears, and he shakes his head once more, "I'm so sorry, Hope. I'm so sorry," He repeats in a whisper.

Disbelief. Anger. Sadness. Regret. They all hit her in an instant.

"No," Hope shakes her head.

Raf continues, knowing he made a promise to Maya in the case she didn't make it, but he struggles getting the words out to Hope now. He grabs the hand that Josie doesn't hold, "She wanted you to know that she loved you."

Hope sobs, squeezing Josie's hand unintentionally, "No—"

"And that she's so happy you found your best friend," He looks to Josie before turning back to his friend, "Because you deserve it, more than anyone in the world," He nods in agreement with the words Maya spoke to him.

And when Hope breaks down impossibly more, Josie can't take it. She gets up from her chair and sits on the other edge of the bed, holding her wife close and tight as her own tears flow in empathy.

And Hope lets it happen. She clings to Josie with what little strength she has left, tears freely streaming, unrelenting pain coursing through her body.

"I'm so sorry, baby."

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Josie jumps slightly at the sound of the rifle shots, honoring the fallen pilot.

She accompanies Hope to the funeral, standing in a black dress as Hope sits to her side in her uniform.

She'd been released from the hospital for the ceremony.

She sees the folded flag being handed to Maya's mother and to Ethan, her brother, who stands next to Raf. She reaches down, knowingly, taking Hope's hand in her own. It's hard to watch. And as Hope salutes, Josie doesn't even have to look at her to know her jaw is clenched, trying to contain her emotions.

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When they arrive back at the hospital after the funeral, Josie and Hope spot Rebekah down the hall as Josie pushes Hope in her wheelchair.

"What the hell is she doing here?" Hope mumbles.

Josie only smiles as Rebekah looks their way, but whispers to Hope, "I don't know..."

Rebekah meets them halfway down the hall, "Congratulations, it appears you'll be heading home today. I've already gathered all of your things in my car. I'll follow you back to your house to make sure you can get inside okay. And Josie, I'd be happy to pick Hope up and take her to her PT twice a week for you. You just need to get checked out."

Hope shakes her head, "You don't need to do that—"

"Sweetheart, don't be stubborn. You need the help, and I'd love the opportunity to reconnect with my niece."

Josie only plasters on a fake smile, but she knows Hope doesn't want Rebekah to know where she lives, or any of her family for that matter. She clearly went to great lengths to keep her family away for years.

"You really, really don't have to do that, Rebekah." Hope repeats.

Rebekah clearly isn't taking no for an answer though, "Yes, I heard you loud and clear the first time. I will see you at the house." She says with finality, walking toward the door without another word.

Hope deflates with a huff, "Great."

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