I Hate the Way...

Part 41: "I Miss You..."

Hope sighs as she approaches the familiar headstone, kneeling to the ground as she presses her hand into the grass that's beginning to grow.

She shakes her head, knowing if things had gone even slightly different, it would be her name carved into the stone, not Maya's.

"I miss you like hell, Machado. I hope you know that."

She remembers all the times she had with Maya, something she's incredibly thankful for, considering she has no memories to cherish with her parents or uncle Elijah.

She remembers every dance, every kiss, every laugh, every flight.

The night Maya confessed her feelings, and Hope had to reject her.

And Maya told her that she was happy Hope found her best friend, though Maya was in disbelief at the time.

Hope chuckles a bit before speaking again, "You wanna know something...?" The night Maya said that to her, Hope wanted to scoff at how untrue it was, but now, things are different. Her relationship with Josie is different, "I think...Josie Saltzman might be my best friend." She chuckles again as she hears her own words. It's crazy as hell to even think.

She glances over toward the car where Josie waits patiently before standing to her feet and looking back down toward the headstone.

She couldn't tell Maya how she felt that night, because it would've threatened her arrangement with Josie. And at the time, Hope thought Josie would be able to siphon the hex from her.

But that was before Hope began to respect Josie's decision to not use magic. The only exception was Josie siphoning the other night from her, just so Hope would drink her blood and not feel guilty about it. But even then, Hope didn't really think Josie would do it.

And now, she just can't bring herself to even consider asking Josie to do something like that for her. Josie's already done so much for her, taking care of her through her recovery, helping her feed again for the first time in 4 and a half years.

But back then, Hope considered it, and that's why when Maya told her that she was in love with her, Hope had no response. It's something she's thought about several times since she lost her.

Would things have turned out differently for Maya if she responded differently? Would Maya still be alive?

But she knows that's just survivor's guilt talking.

But, if there's any chance Maya can hear her now, somehow, someway, Hope wants her to know. She deserves that much.

Hope wipes a tear away from her cheek as she whispers, "I love you too."

She always will.

If she's even capable of such a feeling. She's not entirely sure about that anymore, either. She thinks she may have lost the ability when she lost the memories of her parents. Whatever love she felt before is nothing but a forgotten whisper of a memory. She's not sure what love looks like anymore. Or what it feels like. Or how to receive or give it.

But she thinks that what she felt for Maya had to be pretty close. As close as she could get to the feeling after four years of knowing the woman, spending every day together. That kind of bond is hard to break, even after death separates them.

But she's starting to think that maybe she can move on. She's already started to, thanks to Josie. But she doesn't want to feel guilty about moving on or being happy without Maya. She knows Maya wouldn't want her to feel guilty for anything, but she does.

She sighs at that thought, before turning back toward the car, seeing Josie still waiting patiently, "Don't worry about me, Machado. Josie's taking good care of me. I'm gonna be alright, and I'm happy, right now."

She knows there's a clock ticking though. This won't last forever, but she'd like to make the most of it while she can. She enjoys making Josie happy and taking care of her too. She's comfortable with Josie now. Actually, she's always had an odd sense of comfort around her. She's not sure why.

She lets Josie get away with far more than anyone else she's ever been with, even Maya. And she likes that Josie challenges her and how she has a fiery attitude with her at times.

Nothing's ever boring with Josie, and there's never a dull moment.

And Hope has felt utterly empty and alone for at least 4 and a half years...but not so much anymore. Even now, standing at a distance, Josie lets Hope feel less alone.

"I'll be back soon, I promise," She nods her head a single time before slowly making her way over to her wife.

But she's a little caught off guard when she approaches, and Josie closes the space between them, wrapping her arms around the auburnette. But Hope embraces her back, anyway.

"Are you okay, baby?"

And even now, they're completely alone. There's no one else in the cemetery right now, and Josie still acts like the perfect wife. She still acts like she cares.

And Hope is finding the act easier and easier to believe.

"Yeah, I'm okay, love..Thank you for coming with me," She adds as she pulls away.

And Josie only smiles sweetly, "Of course. Are you ready to head back home now?"

Hope nods, "Yeah, I think I may go for a swim before we have to get ready for dinner at Freya's."

Josie sighs, "You know how I feel about you getting in the water, Hope. I know your legs are doing better since you fed but they're still—"

"I'm fine, Jo," Hope says with a small chuckle, "You don't need to worry about me, okay?"

"Maybe I should at least just sit on the beach while you're—"

"Jo," Hope raises an eyebrow at her, "I'm fine. And you've already done enough. I'll get out of your hair for a while, and you can write more of your songs in your super secret notebook, or watch a movie, take a bath, use the little toy in your nightstand—"

Josie shoves her chest, "You're such a dick. And here I was thinking you were actually being nice for a change," Josie scoffs, though her tone isn't completely serious, as she moves toward the driver side of the car.

And Hope only grins, going toward the passenger door, "I'm saving all the nice for date night now, remember?"

Josie rolls her eyes as she starts the car, "How could I forget?"