From The Ashes, We Rise

Midnight

God that was embarrassing, randomly blaming a stranger for all of my problems, and yet they still try to comfort me despite all of that god I'm the worst. After quite literally breaking down in her arms she moved us towards the kitchen when I just said everything that was on my mind, got everything off of my chest, and I shouldn't be doing this, especially telling everything to a stranger, but it felt oddly comforting and natural. I just couldn't explain it, I just didn't understand why there was just something about her that made me want to tell her everything, I just felt this odd feeling of trust in her, it's really hard to explain it. Throughout the whole thing, she listened to me never interrupted me, and just sat there and watched me explain pretty much my whole life's story, and she stayed focused just letting me ramble on and on about all of my issues, which honestly I never really had someone like that before as after Dad passed I took up the mantle of the man of the house, though I couldn't really do much as I was like 7-8 years old at the time. 

I didn't really have any friends growing up, especially after Dad, as most kids pretty much ignored me seeing as I was quite different from them, and us being young like that most kids honestly didn't know what to do or how to react after some of them caught wind of what happened to my father. I mean we were just kids at the time so concepts like death and loss were something most of us didn't really deal with before, so none of us really knew how to react to that kind of stuff, I just remember that I became a sort of loner when it came to school and that pretty much continued through most of my life. I mean I was sort of a loner as most kids didn't really have the same interests as me, and thought that I was a bit boring and nerdy for knowing so much about cars, but could you blame me? I mean I grew up in this garage for all of my life this was my home and everything, and this place was passed down from generation to generation as it was a family business, my grandfather taught my father all he knew, and my father did the same for me, at an early age I already knew how to change an oil filter, how to recognize different types of engines, and why you shouldn't make your car as loud and as obnoxious as possible.

Honestly, my father was pretty much my best friend, I always came back home after school just to hang out with him and help him work on cars. Though that wasn't all he did, and mom didn't know that he did this but late at night he would take me to this place called the underground where many different types of people met up to do only one thing, race. I remember being in awe of what I saw all those different types of cars that I'd never seen before, and my father pretty much knew everyone there as most of them went to him if they needed something done as he was the only one in town to supply them with certain, "Parts". Though that wasn't all he did, he raced as that was his other source of income, sure he made quite a bit from the garage but he told me that he did this for the thrill as nothing could ever beat the feeling of going fast, faster than anyone could ever imagine, and I remember him taking me along with him on those races, mostly I just watched from the sidelines, but sometimes there were times when he took me with him.

I was scared the first time I went with him, I mean who wouldn't be? It was like being on a rollercoaster, just when you go down that hill and the speed and power just force your body to launch back into your seat just raw power. Though that didn't last for very long, as I remember just smiling and laughing at just how awesome it was to be there and to experience something like this, it is just something you can't forget. My father told it was the same for him when he first got behind the wheel, and that it was something in our blood and that it was like this feeling that we had, like a want no, no want he said a need, a need for power, a need for excitement, a need to make our blood run and to make our hearts beat with such adrenaline that it could feel like it could bust right out of our chest, to have that thrill of going so fast that nothing could stop you, that we all had that need, that need for speed.

Yeah, I thought it was corny too at the time, and his face pretty much dropped when I told him that. He didn't quite expect that reaction, so it threw him off, but he just laughed after that agreeing with me that it was pretty dumb, and I laughed along with him. Despite that seeming pretty dumb and something small and insignificant, it was one of the memories I cherished the most as that was the day that I grew a love for racing and was one of the best days that I've had, but sadly it was also probably the worst day I'd ever experienced and one that still haunts me to this day. I didn't go into detail about how he died as that was something I didn't think she needed to know, and that was something that I wanted to keep to myself as not even mom knew exactly what happened.