MADHOUSE || PJM

#46

y/n's pov

i'm becoming crazy. and i know it, because i'm starting to be like them.

i've been observing in silence each one of their expressions, their gestures, every glance we share. analayzing, trying to make sense of this situation, fighting to find reasons, motives, weaknesses.

the few things i noticed until now have to be useful.

yoongi. he's the most dangerous one, he doesn't take anything seriously. everything is a game for him no matter how twisted it is. he's also very intelligent, that ability to manipulate and decipher people can be more dangerous than any physical ability.

jimin. he's unpredictable, volatile behind that cold mask he's wearing. he isn't as stable as yoongi, he can get affected when things don't go right or when something annoys him. but i know he isn't exactly who he portrays to be, i know there's something more to him.
the worst is that, as much as i try i can't feel scared when i'm with him, and that makes me a lot more cautious around him.

taehyung. he's their weakness. his humanity. his clear emotions showed in his expressions, in his words. i've seen him questioning and doubting this situation so many times and that's my only advantage.
it's impossible to overcome jimin and yoongi if i want to get out of here, but taehyung.. he's another story.

yes, use him. taehyung can get you out of here.

that cold voice inside my head has started annoying me for a few days now. is it my conscience? or did i really become crazy?

taehyung loves you, use that love, seduce him and you'll get what you want.

that's what i've been trying to do these past days, little by little i've started talking to him every day, small words that turned into conversations. it wouldn't be credible if i seduced him from one day to the other, it needs to be something gradual.

i also made sure jimin and yoongi wouldn't know about these conversations, it would take them seconds to discover my intentions.

in fact, all i've done these past days was avoiding those two. i don't talk to them, i don't even look at them when i find them in the corridor or in the kitchen.

but i can always feel their stares, as if they knew sooner or later i would talk to them, waiting to see how long i can last with this silent game.

jimin is giving me some space, without pressuring me although i can feel his patience run out as days go by.

after taking a shower and getting dressed, i take a look at myself in the mirror and my reflection surprises me.

i look.. healthy.
the dark circles under my eyes are gone, my skin looks brighter, my face regained its color.

physical, i'm getting better but my mental state is still chaotic and confused. i hate the way in which this daily routing makes me feel like this is fine, when this isn't fine at all.

-

i leave my room carefully and take a look at both sides of the corridor.
i walk silently to taehyung's room, i don't bother knocking and enter.

we always see each other after dawn, when jimin is going for his morning run and yoongi is sleeping.

he greets me with a smile.
"i could get used to this."

"don't get your hopes up, i just talk with you because you're the most sane out of the three."

"i understand."
he nods.

"you're still a killer for me and i'll never forgive you for that."

he nods again.
"you've already told me."

he's not a killer..

that annoying voice in my head keeps making affirmations that make me question this whole thing.

i walk to the window, taking a look outside.

"you look so much better."

i turn to look at him.
"anyone would think you care for me."

he joins his eyebrows.
"you know i care for you, you're the only thing i care for."

"you have a very messed up way of showing it or is it that you forgot how you cheated on me, taehyung?"

his eyes widen slightly.
"y/n, i-"

"i don't want to hear your excuses, what you was inexcusable."
i turn completely to face him, remembering something.
"taehyung, was it you the one who left those possessive notes in my room back in the psychiatric?"

he looks surprised at my question but doesn't answer, lowering his head.

i nod, continuing.
"was it also you the one who followed me in the forest, and kissed my cheek that night?"

he raises his head to look back at me, a pained expression on his face.
"i know what i did. was wrong. but i was desperate, y/n. i needed to touch you again. i hated seeing you so close to other boys, i wanted to.. somehow remind you that you already belonged to someone."

"i didn't belong to anyone, taehyung. i had already ended everything with you, you had not right to do that."

he stands up from his bed and walks towards me.
"what i did. was inexcusable, but there's nothing i regret more in my life than that. what i feel for you is genuine, nothing has been realer in my life than my feeling for you, y/n."

but i don't feel anything for you anymore..
i can't tell him that, that's not part of the plan.

he's very possessive, provoke him, make him jealous, that's his weakness.

that voice..

"if you feel so much for me, why are you willing to share me?"

his shoulders get tense.

"why did you agree on having me here, trapped with two other guy's that can take me whenever they want?"

his hands clench into fists.

bingo.

"they will not have you, y/n."
he says with clenched teeth.
"i know you'd never be interested in them in that way, and that they wouldn't be capable of forcing you."

"they wouldn't be capable of forcing me?"
i laugh with sarcasm.
"we're talking about two psychopaths, taehyung. i think you should know that limits aren't something they have."

"they do have limits when it comes to you."

i tilt my head.
"let's suppose they don't do anything against my will, but what if they gain my love? i already had something with jimin, what if i fall for him again?"

he doesn't say anything, twisting his lips.

"could you deal with that?"

"y/n.."

"could you?"

he clenches his jaw.. he's angry.. very angry.

keep pressuring him..

"could you see me with him everyday like i was in the psychiatric? seeing him touch me.. kiss me.. how he-"

"shut up!"
he moves so close that his mouth is centimeters from mine, his breathing already so accelerated.

before i can react, he kisses me angry, stomping me to the wall behind me. but i quickly push him away from me with both hands, and i leave his room as fast as i can.

i have to leave him confused, unstable, that's how i need him.

i run to my door, closing it behind me and pressing my back against it.
my fingers touch my lips, not believing what i just did.

i raise my gaze, but when i do, a small screams leaves my lips.