the bet//[a.k.]

✦ ʙʀᴇᴀᴛʜᴇ ✦

i spent the entire weekend in my room.

when i woke up saturday morning, there was hundreds of texts from awsten. somehow, he vaguely remembered how last night went.

aws<3: y/n, i am so fucking sorry
aws<3: please let me explain, i'm begging you
aws<3: it's wasn't all a bet, everything we ever did and said was because i genuinely have feelings for you. i promise on my life
awsten: just give me a chance to explain, we need to talk
awsten: y/n please

but, i didn't want to talk. i heard enough out of his drunk ass mouth the night before.

i didn't answer him at all. he wouldn't take a hint and stop texting, so i eventually just blocked him. i could deal with him monday, if i had the energy.

i didn't do anything on saturday. i pretty much just threw myself into the book i was reading. i wanted to listen to music while i did so, but i couldn't care to touch the record player that he bought me with money he won because he proved that he could easily get me to go on a date with him.

i was so stupid to believe that he genuinely cared about me!

a few times, my mom would come upstairs to bring me food or to comfort me. i cried a lot, to be honest. i never expected awsten to be perfect, even though he genuinely seemed like he was in every single way, but i at least hoped that it wasn't just some dare. or a bet, at that.

sunday wasn't much different than saturday. just reading, eating, and crying. i felt pathetic, in a way. i was completely heartbroken and losing my shit over some guy i dated for just almost three months.

but, he wasn't just a guy. he was awsten. my awsten. he was kind and caring and, god, he was talented. i had fallen for his ways, but after friday may 19th, i wasn't even sure if those were his actual ways or if they were just a front.

sooner than i wanted it to, monday eventually came. and, boy, did it hit like a bus.

my alarm went off and i groaned but before i could turn it off, my mom was already there to hit the button for me.

"good morning, sweetie. you don't have to go to school today, if you don't want to. you can just stay home for one more day, because i know you don't want to see awsten at school." my mom greeted me. i groaned again but eventually sat up.

"i'm not missing school just because awsten and i broke up. it'll affect my grades and i'll be damned if i start failing because i got my heart broken." i told her.

"are you sure?" she asked me. i nodded.

"yes. i'm going to school."

i got out of bed and got on sweatpants and a t-shirt, just brushing my hair and putting it in a bun. i didn't really care about how i looked. it wasn't like i had anyone i needed to impress.

i went downstairs and noticed my mom toasted a bagel and put cream cheese on it for me. i thanked her and ate it quickly before i headed back upstairs to wash my face and brush my teeth.

when i was ready, i grabbed my bookbag and my mom and i headed out to her car. she told me i looked nice, but i knew she was just trying to make me feel better. i looked like shit.

i got to school and i rushed to my locker so i could take a moment to breathe before i headed to first period. thankfully, the only class i had with awsten was sixth period earth science, so i had five periods to figure out what i was gonna do when i, inevitably, had to face him.

of course, he didn't want to wait until sixth period.

i closed my locker and nearly jumped a half a mile when i saw him standing there. his purple hair was messy as hell and he looked like absolute shit. his eye bags were deeper than ever and he had a tiny stubble (which i would have thought was cute if we were still together) that he must have neglected to shave over the weekend.

"y/n, i'm-"

"stop." i interrupted him, my voice cracking just a tiny bit. "you don't get to do this. you don't get to drunkly pour that information on me and expect to be able to apologize and have everything be all fine and dandy again. i don't care that you're sorry. you lied to me, you really lied to me, and i can't forgive you. now, go."

he looked like he was going to try to say something again but instead he just tilted his sad face down and walked away.

it wasn't even first period and i already felt like i was going to break down.

my first period was a study hall i had with lana and melanie. i told them what had happened and they both hugged and comforted me, lana swearing that she was going to kill awsten with her bare hands.

they also announced that they were officially together, which would have made me jump for joy at how happy i was for them, but instead i just gave them a sad smile and congratulated them. i was happy for them, really, but i couldn't help but just feel sad. god, i hated being sad.

sixth period was coming closer and closer and eventually, i just gave up. i went into the girls bathroom and i called my mom, begging her to come pick me up. i couldn't sit by awsten for 40 minutes and act like everything was fine. i couldn't.

she promised she'd be on her way as soon as possible, and i headed back to fourth period. it was only 15 minutes before i was called down to the office to go home. i quickly stopped at my locker to grab my things and then headed to the office.

during the drive home, my mom praised me for at least attempting school and told me that she understood why i didn't stay the entire time. i silently nodded, just wanting to get home so that i could hide in my room and cry some more.

once we got home, i ran up to my room and closed the door behind me. i glanced at my record player and sighed, walking over to it and opening it. the only vinyl i had out of my closet was 'brand new eyes' so i put it in and set the needle down. this was awsten's favorite paramore album. i remembered that. i wanted to forget it.

i laid on my bed and stared at the ceiling. i wanted to just cry and get it out and over with but for once i couldn't. all i could do was think.

i think the part that hurt the most was that awsten seemed like he was genuinely sorry. but was he? or was i just being delusional? maybe my brain was subconsciously trying to slowly convince me that he was sorry because i was in love with him.

one thing i knew for sure, was that love sucks.

love sucks. boys suck. purple haired boys that wrote you songs and made you fall in love with them, just for you to find out it all rooted from a bet, suck.

times like those i wished i was in awsten's arms while he comforted me. he would tell me it would all be okay, and he'd always be there. but, it was he that made me need comforting. ironic, isn't it? the one i wanted most to comfort me, was the one who hurt me.

i was so sad that i could puke.

i laid in bed, thinking, and staring at the ceiling until i realized that 'all i wanted' was playing. i loved that song so much, but the bad part was that it was what finally made me start to tear up.

it started with me tearing up. then throughout the song, i went through all the stages of a mental breakdown. my throat swelled up and my breathing got shaky. soon enough, the tears were streaming down my face like a waterfall.

why, awsten? what made you think "oh yeah, i'm gonna bet my friends i can take her out on a date"? was it something i said? was something wrong with me to where you had to bet on me instead of just asking me out with nothing else attached? i didn't understand.

i was crying so hard to the point where i could barely breathe and i felt like i was going to puke.

breathe, y/n. take a deep breath and let it back out. breathe.

i attempted to level my breathing, but it wasn't easy. my emotions were taking over me and i knew that if an empath saw me, my aura would be jet black.

breathe. inhale, exhale. inhale, exhale. breathe.

soon enough, i finally leveled my breathing and i stopped crying. but, after crying so much, i was tired. my energy was completely drained and i just wanted to sleep.

it was only a little after one, so i texted my mom telling her i was going to take a nap and then i got under my blankets and fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.