RETURNS TO NOTHING / AKIANGEL

one

many people have told angel that he's not capable of love. whether it be directly to his face or some slamming the door on their way out of his apartment yelling profanities at him while he stays there with little to no change of the blank stare he always seems to wear on his face.

he sighs as he thinks about the various things people had told him before:

"it's like you've never liked me in the first place!" (angel sighs at the thought of the person who had said that. he did like them enough to begin a relationship but apparently not enough as they both parted ways quite quickly if he's being honest.)

"can you even show love?" (he remembers he had stood there quietly while his partner at the time stared at him in disbelief. he tries, he knows that but he's not a very emotional person– his face hardly shows it and he knows people do not believe him when he says he tries. it was futile to even attempt and argue that he could.)

"you don't let me touch you or anything– i swear there is something wrong with you." (angel flinches at those words. he knew they were upset and maybe that was just their anger saying that but it's not as if those words didn't hurt less. he'd always had difficulty with letting people touch him. it's not as if he didn't want people to– he enjoyed the warmth enveloping him but it was a disgusting feeling. he wished he could be held without being touched.)

it's not like angel makes himself difficult to love on purpose– sure, he doesn't really let people touch him and he just generally has a distaste for people. and those people always seem to see him as rude rather than anything else due to the blank stare that is always on his face but those weren't his intentions, he promises.

however his parents seem to think otherwise.

"it's not that we want you to get married as soon as you find someone, we just want to see you happy." his mother says on the phone. angel can hear the clinking of dishes in the background.

"so you're saying i'm miserable?" angel asks as he sits on a bench near the parking lot of his college. he never liked taking phone calls in public, he always thought it was annoying when others did.

"no, we never said that!" his mom excuses as he can hear the water running over a ceramic dish, "it's just i would like to see you come home with a lovely girl-"

"or guy!" his dad cuts in from afar, possibly at the dining table cleaning up as well.

"or guy." his mother says, "but still. we would like it and maybe even grandchildren!"

he practically rolls his eyes at the sound of children. it's not like he hates them, any person who has a genuine hatred of children is just awful and that's not him. they're just too much to take care of and he can barely take care of himself.

"maybe one day." he says and he swears he can hear his mother sigh from the other line.

"right." she says and he can practically hear her soft, warming smile over the phone, "don't sound so down about it, alright? you'll find love one day."

"never said i wouldn't." angel says as he checks the clock on his phone, "i have class in a few minutes, i'll talk to you later, okay?"

"okay, love you." she says and he can hear his father reiterate the same words in the background.

"uh-huh. love you too."

his mother hangs up and he is shoving his phone in the back pocket of his jeans as he is grabbing his bag and is about to stand up before a car zooms near him, nearly crashing into the bench that he was just sitting on.

before angel can even mutter words, a man came out of the car, his face looking just as shocked as angel's.

"i'm so sorry." is all he says and before angel can get reasonably angry at said man who almost ended his life much shorter than he initially thought his lifespan would have been, he recognizes the face. the face full of stress and hair always messily put into a ponytail that seems to stick up no matter what.

"...hayakawa." angel says simply.

"sorry." he says softly again and all angel can do is sigh in response.

"we have class in a few minutes. do you want to go or do you want to try and kill me again?"

aki pauses for a second as if he was actually debating killing angel again before he responds, "we can go to class, yeah."