RETURNS TO NOTHING / AKIANGEL

eight

he's so fucking stupid.

aki has an urge to just crash his car as he drives on the highway that maybe if he just crashed and died, this horrible feeling that was gnawing on his heart would go away.

he's so stupid.

aki wants to blame this on himself, really. angel has no fault in this besides the fact that he was so unreadable, i mean aki had literally no clue that he even liked him. he could have sworn that only a few days ago angel would have ripped his guts out and left him to die on the floor if someone paid the man like, a dollar.

okay, maybe he's being too harsh. angel wouldn't do that– angel has emotions and empathy (despite not displaying so ever) and perhaps aki hadn't caught onto the small hints that he'd thrown aki.

but why hadn't he begged aki to stay? or at least do something? but instead all angel had done was stay still and allow himself to be rejected horribly.

aki rubs at his eyes that had begun watering without notice of it as he pulls his phone out of his pocket. he dials a number that at this point he does not even need to look at the phone to know exactly what number he'd dialed.

the line rings for a few seconds and aki thinks they will not answer until a cough answers the phone and soon, a voice.

"hm? what do you need?" himeno answers and aki internally rolls his eyes at her bluntness but he carries on.

he sniffles before answering and he does not get even a word out before her voice quiets down from it's usual loud tone. "what happened, aki?"

"we broke up, i think." aki answers as his voice shakes and it feels as if there's a knot tightening in his throat with every word that forces itself out of his throat.

"oh." she says and it's quiet for a second before she speaks up once again, "i'm going. wine or beer?"

aki laughs wetly, "why even ask that?"

"beer, i got it." she says and the sound of shuffling is heard from her line, "see you in a bit."

"see you."

the ride home feels like an eternity. it's like every radio station decides that yes, playing breakup songs today would be an absolutely wonderful decision! fuck everyone who got broken up with today!

(aki internally notes to himself that they can not break up if they were never even together.)

aki groans as he turns the knob for a new radio station to be met with another song from a soft voice describing how their love made her feel whole and how she'll never feel that way again, yadda yadda.

aki turns the radio off. yeah, he can sit in silence for the ride home, he thinks.

he makes it home perfectly fine to aki's own shock. aki doesn't know whether to be shocked at the fact that he made it home while he was practically drowning in his own tears or the fact that he made it home with the only thing distracting him from his tears was his thoughts which is worse than anything else in the world.

he turns the knob to his apartment to find their home filled with laughter filling his ears. nobody notices him as he quietly shuts the door behind him, only pochita does as the first thing she does the second she even gets a whiff of the cologne that he always wore, she was bark and running to jump on him.

aki laughs softly as he scratches behind her ears all while he looks up to see himeno holding an action figure of some sort while denji sat at the coffee table with her holding an action figure as well that seemed to be fighting from the looks of the way denji was smashing their bodies together. power sat on one of the couches behind them, reading a comic book that aki swore he had initially bought for denji.

aki slips off his shoes as pochita returns to the couch to lay her body atop power's as if she were a huge, furry weighted blanket.

"you look horrible!" power shouts as she lifts her eyes from the comic book for a second before going back to reading.

"thank you so much power, that really warms my heart." aki sarcastically says as he practically drags his body to rest on the other unoccupied couch.

"you're welcome," she replies, not even caring or noticing that it was a sarcastic comment and not a true, genuine one.

"alright, why don't you two settle down for the night? aki's had a rough day." himeno speaks up and powers nods as pochita gets the prompt and jumps off of her.

"what happened?" denji questions as himeno hands him the figure that was in her hands.

"his girlfriend broke up with him or somethin'," power shrugs as she curls the comic book in her hands haphazardly.

"angel broke up with you?" denji frowns, "i liked him."

"you barely met him," power snorts, "dude freaked me out."

aki is quiet as power speaks harshly of him. yes, she's just a kid but still to speak of someone who he loved (and still does) so badly seems to affect him like none other. angel was never creepy and off-putting like some liked to put him, nothing close to that. he was beautiful. it was like the first time he even soared a glance towards angel that the other man felt as if he stared into the sun after being in an eternity of darkness. he was the light and there was nothing aki could do to dim it.

"okay, we all have our own opinions on him but the matter of fact is that aki liked him so how about we just don't speak badly of him, hm?" himeno asks and the two nod their heads as they head into their bedrooms for the night.

himeno says nothing once both their doors shut as she makes her way to his kitchen.

she sets a pack of beer on the coffee table silently, the message clear to him. aki sighs as he pops it open and takes a long drink of it.

"so..." himeno begins as she quietly sips from her own beer, "like how should i feel about angel since you two are like, no more? should i be like dude, fuck him or like, you two were so cute together?"

aki sighs as he sets his chin on the coffee table, slumping in his position, "i don't know. i mean i like him, i still do. i really just fucked up massively and angel just broke it off then and there."

"what happened?" himeno asks as she taps his nails on the table quietly.

"he asked me if i loved him and i didn't know what to say. i told him i'm whatever he wants me to be. it was stupid of me."

"and what did you think you two were?" himeno questions as she shifts in her seat.

"i don't know." aki answers simply and quickly with full honesty unlike anything else before, "i truly do not know. i mean, yes i was with him but for what? it seemed as if i only did it to fill the empty hole in my heart."

"did you like him?"

"very much." aki nods before he takes a long gulp from the can, "i think he knew it too."

"then tell him." himeno says softly.

aki nods as he stumbles to get up and she stares at him in confusion as her brain clicks the pieces together, "oh my god, not now! later! like, when you have your thoughts all together not when you're drunk, aki!"