i love my best friend, i really do. i always tried to take care of her and give her reassurance and be there for her whenever. i loved hugging her and i loved holding hands with her and linking our arms together. i always wanted to be with her and wanted us to do everything together. i always tried to cheer her up and to be optimistic about everything, when she didn't talk because she said she was in a „bad mood", when she sometimes ignored me, when she didn't want to spend the breaks with me, everytime i tried seeing the good. once i saw her putting more distance between us i didn't ask i thought she wasnt doing well. then i saw how she and my ex best friend did everything together. at first i didn't think much about it. as time passed by i noticed why she didn't talk to me much anymore, why she ignored me, why she didn't want to spend time with me. i felt bad when she told me that i'm annoying her and that she dislikes the physical contact. she made me feel bad, for showing her my affection and giving her my love. i told her how i was always the one starting everything, conversations, texts, literally everything and if i wouldn't do it we wouldn't be talking for days, weeks, months. she blamed it all on me. she made me feel so so bad, for wanting to receive the love i give out to her. i didn't have anyone except her. i realized having social anxiety and attaching myself to her was not a good choice, but i couldn't change it now could i? now i spent most of my time alone. she's there, we sit next to eachother, walk together sometimes. no words. no speaking. no laughing. nothing. it's as if she hates me, wants me dead, is disgusted by me everytime we talk. if you can even call the little responses she makes after i have to ask her the same question 10 times talking.
i hate having to be alone, i miss my best friend. what did i do to make her dislike me? i was trying to be a good friend, ya Allah what did i do? did you hear or see something i didn't? im so confused and sad. ya Allah i feel so bad.
