Eruri | No Regrets.

Chapter - 4

I found myself resting on Erwin's bed. The sheets were soft but wrinkled, pillows were thrown around on the mattress, and my low and pathetic self looking back on the mistakes I had done through out my life.

It was one of those days. Those days were you couldn't help yourself to think of the past as all you can possibly tell yourself is to move on, as you will never be able to go back and fix it? Yes. Those days.

I was stuck in my own introspection before I had heard a rough knock on the door. I sighed already knowing who it was. "Come in" I had said. A tall woman with dark brown hair made her way inside the room. "Well, hello Levi!" They had said. "How's your arm holding up?" They asked. "It's fine." Levi had answered. "Why are you here anyways?" He had asked.

The person had looked at him long and hard. As if they were studying his soul, his mistakes, his sins. Before they had actually spoke out Levi had once again received the rare chance to look into their eyes where a bland and serious expression layed.

"I'm sure you know why I'm here, Levi." The person had spoked. Levi's eyes were fixated on the floor as if they were the most interesting things in the room in that moment. "Who do you think bandage your bloody arm last night?" They had asked. Levi remained silent. "Do you know how worried me and Erwin, even Mike were about you? Walls forbid what Erwin would have done if you would have died Levi." They had said as this time they had looked directly into the eyes of the corporal. Settling a wave of guilt over his heart.

"Levi, you...have you been starving yourself? I never realized how thin you had gotten until I took a proper look at your wrist last night. Levi, that isn't healthy." They had spoken again. Each word flowing down their mouth like a waterfall. Words so heavy they would sink to the bottom on the waterfall to never go back up. "That night, Erwin had carried you into his arms broke my door open is if there was a fire outside with an expression I had never seen before. For once in my life for all the years I've knowned him, I had never seen him held such stares."

'Neither have I' Levi wanted to say. But the thought made him want to puke. He felt ashamed. The promise he had made to himself to forever protect the man he so dearly loved was broken by his own foolishness as he only brought pain and suffering. It would have been better if he had died at that moment. He wouldn't have to live the situation he was in right now.

Levi looked down, staring at the lump his thighs made under the blanket but he stayed quiet. Hanji noticed and sighed. "Erwin asked me to take care of you while he's away." Levi looked up confused. "He had to attend an urgent meeting to the capital." Hanji continued. "So I'll be taking care of you for the next three days." They said.

Levi nodded. He didn't need to put much of a fight he had no need to. His body was in his weakest state he barely thinks he could walk. Perhaps, maybe dying wouldn't have solved all his problems. He would still have to face them head on. "You must be hungry, I'll bring you food from the cafeteria in a few." Hanjj said while walking to the door and exiting it. Levi simply nodded and layed back down in bed. Closing his eyes praying once more his insomnia would let him get atleast 2-3 hours of sleep.

***

Far away Erwin was already in a carriage by himself heading to the capital. The trip was not that long but the affairs he was given to take care of were. Sometimes he had truly regret becoming a commander, or even a soldier. But those thoughts were pushed aside by the fact that if he hadn't became commander he would have never met the wonderful people he knows now and the dreams and hope he pursues."Levi..." Erwin said to himself. Not realizing he had said it outloud.

He sighed a pinched the muscle in betweeh his eyebrows loosening the frown present on his face as he slowly looked up to the ceiling of the carriage. He had recalled the events of the prior days and all he felt was a wave of discomfort settling on his heart; breaking apart his breathing. He still wouldn't come to terms as to why Levi had done this. Why hurt yourself this bad, did he really wanted to die this much? Was I that much of a bad commander? Erwin sighed and frowned again as those thoughts made his way to his face again. Flashbacks flowing back into his memory as his eyelids dropped and breathing slowed.