Picking Up The Pieces

Post Partum Depression

Happy Reading!

The weekend went over quickly with nothing exciting happening except Ashley starting to really exercise her grabbing skills, which meant I got to exercise my supermom skills and stop the any object within 3seconds so it doesn't reach her mouth. I was successful 10/15 times, not bad.

Mom and I were bonding like old times, we even planned to visit the carnival next week. It'll be nice to cool off over the next weekend, also it has been so long since I've been to a carnival, I really miss those vibes.

Daydreaming about next week, I was suddenly pulled out of thought by the bell, signaling that it was time for a different type of torture class. Groggily rubbing sleep off my eyes, I stood up and gathered my stuff, ready to dash out the door and get this day over with.

'Amelia, could you come here a minute?', Ms Stephany said as I was walking towards the door. Confused, I made my way towards her with a lazy smile as to not seem sleepy but I'm sure my face looked like a glitched cartoon character at this point.

I watched as she eyed the last student to leave the class before sighing disappointingly, eyeing me. 'How's everything, I notice that you have been more tired nowadays. Is Ashley giving you a hard time?' she spoke in a soft motherly tone her eyes holding nothing but concern for me. She has been one of the most cooperative teacher during my pregnancy, she even dropped by my home a few times to educate me on taking care of Ashley, she's one of those few teachers who are genuinely concerned for their students.

'Yes everything's fine, just that Ashley is developing new skills and hardly sleeps through the night' I trailed off, feeling bad to have been daydreaming in her class. Before she could say anything, I cut her 'and I apologize for not paying attention in your class, I promise I'll catch up soon'.

'Well you better, the university is generous enough to continue your scholarship but I don't think they'll back you up if you consistently get poor grades'. Upon looking at my defeated look, she continued 'You know I'm just looking out for you, I don't mean to pressure you but there's still time in the mids, just try to secure a good grade before it's too late.' she finishes with a tight smile and patted my shoulder before leaving the class.

As I heard the door close, I felt as the time has frozen. Keeping my gaze on the floor, her words kept repeating in my mind. What if I lose my scholarship and end up dropping out? This was my only chance at a better future... but I can't exactly neglect the growth years of my baby and just study... My mind was a whiplash with all the possibilities and negative thoughts as I sniffled and tried my best to hold back my tears. Feeling so alone and isolated, I wiped my tears on the back of my sleeve and tried to pick myself emotionally. The worst part of these sad waves were that I had to fight them alone. It was upto me, deciding which thought was rational and which was a result of my harmones picking at me. As I calmed myself down, shivering from strong wave of sadness, I headed towards my next class and pretended that I hadn't just broke down. Sleep long gone, replaced with post partum depression and anxiety.

* * *

As the day went by, it was easier to recollect myself and dive back into the reality. Ms Stephany was right, being a mom shouldn't cut me slack from other students who are working hard to study and maintain their grades. While the university had been generous in continuing my scholarship, I should prove that their money is being spent on the right person. I needed a plan, a routine - some sort of stability in my life which I can rely on.

With that thought in mind, I slapped my notebook on the table and began jotting down a potential schedule

7am - Wake up
7:45am - Have Breakfast
8am - Come to University...