R&R

Chapter 31

Therapy was hard, really hard. Going through every last detail of my feelings, that shit didn't come naturally for me, and for the next few weeks that's exactly what I was doing, just going in, straightening out all my issues and going home.

I had calmed down my system, I could let Randy do more things with her. It was going pretty well until...

Jane asked me to do a therapy session without my daughter present... She wanted to test me. Of course my first thought was fuck that but... I did want to get better so when I walked through her dark brown door next... My daughter was not with me.

"Hello Ray." Jane gave me large, proud smile from her seat.

My hands shook. "Hi..." I interlocked my fingers. I took a seat and faced her. I focused on her fully, I didn't want to think about anything else, being away from Nyx for an hour was torture.

"So I was thinking today, we would delve into your childhood, is that alright with you?" She pondered with raised brows.

I nodded; I could feel sweat forming between my hands.

She gave me another smile. "Well dear usually this is where you start speaking." She mused.

"Y-yes." I nodded. "Okay childhood." I looked down to concentrate. "My um... My Mom left when I was like 1 or 2." I began. "I never saw her again, I think that kind of broke my dad, he started drinking and he was angry all the time, he would go into these massive rants." I frowned and hunched into my chair, embodying him. "'Ray! Stop that incessant scribbling! Is there any wonder your mother left us! I put food in the cupboards, I keep the lights on, the least you can do is let me watch my shows when I get home!'" I attempted his hoarse voice also. "And let me tell you there was rarely food in the cupboards and the light was only still on because he wanted to watch those shows!" I pointed out.

Jane nodded as she continued with her notes. "Did you ever have any good memories with him?" She asked.

I frowned thinking back, I didn't think about my childhood much. "I think... Once he showed me how to correctly hold a guitar... I remember feeling like maybe things would change with him if I pretended I was interested in guitars." I frowned. "But he caught me trying to practice on his guitar once when he was drunk and that's when he first stubbed a cigarette on me." My mouth twisted horribly.

Jane's heard popped up, her mouth agape and her eyes wide. "He put out a cigarette on you?!" She was shocked.

"A good few." I nodded. "All up here." I patted my shoulder with the rose tattoo.

"Ray, that's awful, no one should have to go through that." She gave me a sympathetic frown of worry.

"It's alright he's dead." I shrugged.

Jane sat back in her chair. "Just because he's dead doesn't mean the closure can't be found." She insisted.

"I'm not sure I believe in closure." I pouted.

"Well... How do you feel about your childhood?" She pouted, very curiously.

"Well..." I sat back, letting my eyes wander while I thought about it. "I think it sucked but I survived it and my father didn't." I looked back at her. "There isn't really much to say about it other than my Dad was a dick but I got out." I shrugged.

"It sucked?" Jane retorted. "Ray you were abused, mentally and physically." She threw the word at me, people threw that word at me all the time back then.

"Abused is a bit strong." I narrowed my eyes.

"Ray... He stubbed cigarettes out on your skin, he made you believe you were the reason your mother left... He was abusive." She raised her brows with that same sympathy.