RESPONDING TO HER LOVE

Pressures of New Environment

"There's no limit to what you can do except the one you placed on yourself"
  The first principle I learnt in my new school is that, "the fear of seniors is the beginning of wisdom". Everything here is new to me, the lifestyle, sharing room with other students, two bathrooms and toilets for more than twenty students especially, you must have school father and all. But the ability of humans to easily adjust and adapt can only be explained by the creator man. One week, living inside the hostel, I learned about the different categories of human being. We are funny beings, seriously, you get to meet seniors that are good at name calling, you here names like; Homoerectus, homosapians, animal beings, human demons, night walker.
Some show their dominance through intimidations, bullying, excess abuse and turning juniors to errand boys.
"We need to cut your tails, know that this is not your father's house," they said. We survived, some grow stubborn, rebellious and vengeful, others weaker and fearful. In my case, I became more timid, clumsy and worse. I can't express myself well, for the first-three years as a junior, I was like a lamb among other flocks of sheep. I don't know if its my quiet nature or lanky body that caused it. All my fight, anger, resentment and bad mouthing are just inside my head. I don't blame them or my humble nature. I know that humility is not weakness and I can't change how God made me. Nevertheless, I continued to grow thanks to watery beans and pap. I never paid any much attention to relationships, though I noticed a lot of cute faces all around me, both boys and girls alike. We all had low cut hair style. I focused on my studies and grade, which I was always scared of my performance, anything less than 5th position, not accepted. We may all be in the same class, share refectory and all, but our backgrounds are still different. I never let that mindset affect me though, I learnt frugality early enough, you can save and bring back home to support family. No love interest didn't stop my heart from finding one. There was this particular girl that made me very uncomfortable. I never knew what it was until now. I would avoid anything that may cause me to enter her class. If I mistakenly stumbled upon her and our eyes connected, 'flash' won't see my back. Approaching any girl in school was either the Chaplain was asking after you or you are wanted by one of the Staff. In her case, I even prayed that God should help me and deliver from whatever power she may be uaing against me to make me feel this way around her. All the maltreatment never stopped me from reading novels, motivational books and literary work. Since phones are not allowed inside school, my passion for reading multiplied, I always spend my break period at the school library. No matter how voluminous and tiny, my specialty. The magic is in the big books from great authors like, Agatha Kristy, Shakespeare, Ben Carson, Norman Vincent Pearle, and steamy ones also. My English teacher would say, " Read, not just to pass exam but read wide to know more". But, they didn't explain to me how to stop thinking about this girl regardless. Sometimes, I would just stand at a corner staring at her. That was the extent of my crush, to the girl that I never asked of her name.

   Now I've got time to think about a lot of things. We are in the longest holiday period due to pandemic. Firstly, I thought that the hunger that I endured, that would not allow me to sleep or think in school was an internal issue but no, its hunger that lack hope and money that caused it. Now, I don't even have appetite to eat.
I'm now addicted to Hollywood movies, K-drama. I can stay awake to daybreak as if school will resume tomorrow. I guess they are right to say that, "they are knowledge that comes with maturity". Am no longer a teenage boy, scared for his life, always running and pleasing the seniors, just to be on their good grade. I am a  handsome in-my-own-way, adolescent. I know what I want. I'm going to prove it by getting a girlfriend. "Is that all you can think about?, not even standing up for yourself against those villians in school," my mind retorted. A lot of great men you hear their names today, are either motivated by poverty or their women. So, nothing is wrong in having that one person to share joy and feelings with.
I have few of my classmates and some of my roommates as my friends because we have common goal, common enemies, we are facing but no real, like close friend that I can't forget. Its something I want to change coming next academic session. Girls will become ladies and boys will always be boys except with swag.
I was listening to a message on my phone one Sunday evening. The preacher was kind of funny but he said somethings that got to me and changed my perception. He said, " A lot of people want to be in a relationship, some are there already but don't know why or what to expect. Some think is just for fun or catch cruise. I am not here to preach, but to open your eyes. You have read, heard stories of love, watched films and will keep learning more, both from artists or motivational speakers. I want you to know about the first family on earth, Adam and Eve. Adam was a man with purpose; which was the first thing God gave him and Eve was a relational being; the first thing God gave her was husband. So, you that's looking for relationship, what are you doing and you that wants to enter someone's life, what you know, is it what the person needs? If you can answer that question very well, find God and go ahead. Gathering muscle or curves can only be bonus to happy home. As a guy, you must know that women are drawn to power; Spiritual power, Economic/Political power, physical power, Intellectual/ Psychological power. Which of them do you have?
"Your eyes are not red and you don't have money, who will fear you". What you have, another person will collect it from you, and can't do anything". He finished.
Wow! What I know is not enough, let me go and start working on something. Anything that can guarantee me one of those power cannot be easy but achievable. With that thought, I left my room for dinner.