Amusements; or, a Winter Novel

Chapter 13 - Misadventures

Chapter 13 - Misadventures

I had been in my new house for 6 months, and it was no less than a nightmare, so to speak.

Hunter Bloodwilliams and his wife, Willow Park-Bloodwilliams, are nothing short of bunnies in a colony of ants: while we ants are working and thinking about our futures, they hump, and hump, and fucking hump, like there IS NO future.

Sure, they deem themselves "reserved" when they only copulate once every Sunday, but the furious foreplay and gluttonous sex is all night long, and they start at 11 and don't stop until 5!

I'm losing sleep, for God's sake!

I can't feel my legs!

Everything in my mind, the object in my mind that's constant and inflexible, is masturbating to the sounds of my neighbors having hard, hot sex. And that is a sentence I never thought I'd ever say.

It was 3 o'clock in the afternoon, and I invited Gus to visit my house if free time is on his side to try out another brew I made. Because while the opinions given by lesbians are great and all, they can be overtly too critical in their giving away of their constructive criticism. And thought that the next best thing was a biromantic-heterosexual science fiction-addicted essayist.

But my reason was much more than a bit of constructive criticism in regards to my brews.

I heard a knock on my door.

*knock knock knock*

Well, 3 knocks, actually. But you get my point.

I answered the door.

*opens door*

"Ah, August!" I said. "So nice of you to come accept my invitation."

"No problem, man." said Gus.

Gus then closed the door behind him as he walked in-to my large cottage.

"I'm quite excited to show you something." I said. "First, do you smoke?"

"Um..." said Gus: "Hell no."

"Ok, not a smoker." I said. "No surprises. How about vape?"

"Yeah." said Gus. "I keep a disposable in my EDC."

"Ecstatic!" I said. "Come here to my coffee kitchen."

"Wow," Gus said as he walked into my kitchen: "things really have gone well for Chez de la Feu-Humaine, non Dieu."

"Right?" I said in enthusiastic response. "Here. Take this."

"Wow!" Gus said as I gave him a cup of coffee. "A cup! Human technology is always so cool!"

"I do admit that I sometimes struggle with how to use Twitter and how to always be "bussing, no cap and on God". So I'm gonna have to agree with you here, I sympathize." I said. "Take this vape."

I then gave him my personal vape which I was using "currently" at that time.

"Vape that first," I instructed him: "and then sip the dirt."

He did exactly as I instructed him: he vapes, then takes a sip of the cup I made. And his reaction was golden.

"Mmm!!!" Gus moaned.

"'Mmm' is right!" I said.

"Helios, this is incredible!" Gus said.

"Right?" I said. "It's a remarkable brew I recreated from the Rat's Coffeehouse line of products, and it's probably one of my favorites overall from when I worked there: Nicotine Tincture."