Partners in Speed - ver.2 (also Street Racers #2)

8. Jungkook

I slept on Yeeun's couch, which would explain the kink in my neck and stiff spine. Before I worked out how to talk to her again, she was asleep. Then I passed out at some point. When I woke up, she was out. I called my uncle and told him I won't be at work today. Enough happened last night, I need to digest it.

I need to talk to Yeeun, first things first. We promised each other honesty. If I don't want my winning or losing to fuck things up, I can't contribute to them falling apart, either.

I wait here until she's back. I don't want to have a conversation like this at her work place. In the worst case scenario, Jeonsu would interrupt and I would tear his silk button-up into pieces. I hope he's keeping his hands to himself. I don't have a mind to be dealing with him on top of everything else.

Taehyung texted me last night. I literally kicked you out. Which I'm sorry for, too. It was a lot. That most likely means we're fine. At least that. I really didn't mean to be a dick. I was trying to be supportive, until he freaked out, to which I freaked out, in my own way. That's what we do. Freak out on each other in a specific fashion.

The fact that he told me that already means he must trust me even a little bit. That's promising. There are things I could tell him, too, that require a lot of trust.

I wish we could talk about the past. There is a block between us, because the past is hanging in the air. We either need to scream it out, or at least talk. Otherwise we'll get stuck in the freaking-out loop.

But first, Yeeun...

She comes back home at 4 p.m. If it wasn't for last night, I'd say something about how it feels like we're living together. Which is my biggest dream right now, but whatever. No living together if we don't clear this up, anyways.

"You're here," she says, walking into the kitchen.

"You sound like you hate it."

She smacks my arm with her bag before hanging it on the chair. "I don't hate it. It's your place as much as it's mine."

I lock my fingers on top of the table. "I wanna talk about last night."

"Did you think it through?"

"I thought many things through."

"Before you start," she says, sitting in front of me with her phone. "What are we eating?"

At least she is not doing the silent treatment. In theory, I despite those. Luckily I've never gotten one. I'd hate getting my first ever silent treatment now.

"Thai," is all I say. She and I both know our order by heart.

I wait until she's done clicking away on the screen. Putting the phone down, Yeeun looks at me. "I'm listening."

We're best friends above everything, I remind myself, and take a deep breath in. "I'm not competitive by nature."

She lifts an eyebrow. "You've always been competitive."

"But not for the sake of being competitive," I say. I'm about to be honest and if she hates me for what I'm about to say, I'm gonna lose my mind. "Being competitive around you has been fun, I admit that. But with other people... I needed to be number one, because... because of you."

"Because of me?"

"I didn't want you to leave."

Her eyes widen. "Why would I?"

My absolutely least favorite thing in the world – talking about my feelings and issues.

"I didn't want you to think there is someone better. Friend, boyfriend, person. Anyone," I say. "I didn't want you to think Taehyung is better, or anyone else really. I would love to be in the Japan Race, obviously, but if I'm not... I don't want to lose because every time I do, everything else goes to shit. I lost the last two seasons and things between us were fucked. I don't want you to realize I'm not number one."

Yeeun blinks and blinks, and I have nothing else to say, so I wait for what's to come, expecting it to be something along the lines of: you're fucking crazy.

"Jungkook," she starts. "Are you fucking insane?" I know her so well. "I'm not with you because you're number one. And I haven't been your friend for the past twenty years because you've been number one." She walks around the table, cupping my cheeks and making me look up. "You... complete dumbass, I love you. I've loved you as a friend. I'd be here even if you sucked at every single thing."

"You can't know it."

"You sucked at school. You suck at ice-skating. You cannot sing for shit. You wouldn't do gymnastics to save your life. You lose card-games every single time. You suck at so many things and I don't care, Jungkook."

"You're an incredible motivational speaker, Yeeun. Do you know that?"

She rolls her eyes. "All I'm saying is that I don't care if you win or not. I don't love you for a reason. I do. I've always wanted you in my life. Because of who you are, not because of how good or not you are at certain things. Things between us weren't fucked because you were losing. You were losing races, because things between us got fucked and you stopped caring about them. And I haven't left even though you lost."

I wrap my fingers around her wrist. "I... always thought you'd realize there is someone better-"

"Not for me," she says, and she's moving her thumb against my skin. "You're incredible, Jungkook. At so many different things. And I'm proud of you. But I'll be here even if you're last at everything you do. And I will love you just the same."

"So... should I quit now?"

"You don't have to quit. But you can just... calm down with the spot," she says. "If you knew nothing would be worse between us, would you be alright with Taehyung getting the spot?"

"I would be."

"Then please remember I will always be here." She brushes my hair back and pecks my lips.

I get all melty inside and pull her to sit on my lap, wrapping my arms around her. Holding her puts me at ease, but at the same time I'm aware of the heaviness inside me. The one that never really goes away, ever since that fight a few months ago, when we quit being friends for the first time.

"I'm really scared you're gonna leave one day," I say.

"So I'm not the only one, huh?" Truly, I've been trying to reassure her all this time, but we're battling with a similar sort of worry. Not having each other. "I have always been here, Jungkook. Since we met, twenty years ago. If we fight, we make up. We're not so weak, you know?"

"You think so?"

"Yeah, I do." She hugs my neck, pressing her cheek against mine. The tighter she holds me, the better I feel. "I can't believe you wanted to be the best only for that."

"That's because I never understood what a girl like you would see in me."

"In my eyes, you've always been fascinating," she says. It's so... strange to hear when no one had ever thought well of me when I was myself. If I didn't try hard enough to be the best, if I was simply mediocre, no one cared.

I shuffle around to drop my head onto her shoulder. "I am really aware of how attached I am to you. I'd die without you."

"You'd live."

"No," I mumble. "I hate the idea of life without you. It's meaningless. I want to be with you for the longest time possible."

"I want it, too. We'll move in together soon. We'll spend our lives together. It's always been better when we were together."

I look up at her. She smiles at me, lip glossy and pink. Yeeun is my whole life. And I'm okay to live my whole life for her. It's been so long I'm not even thinking of learning how not to be attached. I don't care. Without her, I'd be nothing. She's the center of my world, and I'm perfectly fine with it.

Holding my cheeks, she presses her lips to mine. My hold around her tightens, lungs empty. When she moves back, I chase after her and deepen the kiss.

The doorbell rings. I sigh. Yeeun pecks my cheek.

"Later," she says, and slips off my lap to get our dinner.

I sit back, letting out a deep breath.

It's alright.

We are alright.