What We Stay Alive For

Chapter Seven: Unlucky Lovers, Chaste Afterthoughts

31 August, 1959. Continued.

For the first time in all their years at Welton, the boys are disappointed when class ends. They rush back into Keating's classroom to gather up belongings. Arms are piled high with books and pockets are stuffed with pointed pencils. Neil Perry opposed this chaos, moving slowly with his feet dragging against the concrete. He holds his books like it would be okay if they slipped from his grasp and fell to the floor.

Todd peeks at Neil's lackadaisical, relaxed form. It's obvious how quick Neil has been caught. He's hooked onto the words of John Keating. This hook is sharp, stuck in Neil's lower lip and wet with the slick swipe of his tongue when he says "That was different."

"I think it was weird," Gerard's ego remains wounded by Keating's teasing quip towards his name.

Knox agrees. "Spooky, too. If you ask me." He also looks like he could drop his books at any moment. Something tells Todd it isn't due to the trajectory of his life being positively affected by the words of John Keating.

"But it was different!" Neil reiterates. "It was good!"

Cameron, brows furrowed and bothered, shrugs. "You think he's gonna test us on all that stuff?"

"On what stuff?" Meeks questions back.

"That carpe diem stuff," he explains. "We already take Latin, so I'm not sure if-"

Neil interrupts him with a scoff. Todd mimics it.

"Jeez, Cameron. Don't you get anything?" Charlie shakes his head.

"What!"

Ten years ago, Todd would barely be able to open his mouth to attempt to agree, verbalize his siding with Neil and Charlie. A failed attempt at speaking isn't what stops him from adding more to the conversation now and neither is it his cowardice. What stops him now (ten years later and ten years ago) is what Neil says next.

"We should look for his school annual in the library."

Todd guffaws at this, neck bouncing his head forward. Neil looks at him questioningly and he excuses it as laughing at something he thought of that occurred a few days back. Neil doesn't look convinced, but he doesn't push it further.

Todd isn't part of much conversation for the next couple of hours. This plot point of the Dead Poets Society in his life is about to officially begin and it is nerve-wracking, exciting, and heartbreaking. The rhythm of second chance beats in his heart and exhausts itself throughout his History class. He's glad for this, as he cannot hear the teacher's opinions on the last two decades.

Then, somehow, Todd has made it to his extracurricular for the day; soccer. It's a nightmare-Todd wanted to do rowing.

In the locker room, Todd clothes himself in a horrendously large gym uniform. It was handed to him by a bitter looking coach who would likely be immensely bothered if Todd asked for a proper size. Oddly enough, the shirt reeks of rubber. He must have made a face at this discovery because the coach reminds him that he'll have to pay for the uniform if he loses it. He promises that he will not.

Between the syncopation of memory in his chest, Todd has one coherent thought: 'How do I fake a stomach bug or a sprained ankle or turn into a vampire so I'll have an excuse to stay out of the sun.'

Todd gets through the hour of soccer without doing any of that, though. He couldn't tell you what drills they did or how many laps they ran. But, he does have a second coherent thought while sitting on a ledge in the corner of the locker room.

Everyone but him is showering, the one's finished doing so lined up at a row of mirrors across from Todd. Neil is one of these people, hair dripping wet. He runs his fingers through his hair when water droplets fall into his eyes. He's intently focused, drying himself properly when Todd makes eye contact with Neil's reflection.