Forever our Secret (GirlxGirl)

Chapter 3: The Feeling of Her Leaving

When I heard the door open to the bathroom I knew Elise followed me in. I didn't realize that my emotions controlled me. It's like gray area between the final scene to now. How could I be so stupid? El knocked on the stall which startled me. She wanted to come in. It was pretty obvious that I was trying to escape. My breath quickens when I draw the lock open. She steps in with a panicked face. It's adorable. Almost morbid that I want it more. Stop Nat! You can't have these feelings! But holy crap do I want to have them.

"Hey what's up with you?" She asked.

I look at her with my puppy dog eyes. So close but there's such a space between us. She wouldn't want me like that. I'm just another cast member to her. Leaving reality for a short moment, I remember awhile back when reading the scripts to ourselves. It was like reading a book. We were just as surprised of the outcome. I can remember a slight mist in my eyes before the final episodes. When I read that I will have to kiss Laura in a passionate way and in a hopeless atmosphere I almost fell out of my seat. I waited for at least a half hour before texting Elise about it. We were both screaming and laughing. Little did I know my feelings started the next day. We met up at Elise's bedroom to discuss somethings. I probably brushed my teeth twelve times that morning. When I arrived she had that same goofy smile she has today. We sat across from each other.

I spoke to her softly and unconfidently, "we should do the scene. Just so it isn't awkward on set."

She nodded at that. She looked away and bit her lip. I try to reassure her that it'll be ok, but she wouldn't turn to me.

In a slow, dark tone El spoke, "I know that you're going through a lot of stuff with your mom..."

She then looked up and sent me flying back in my mind yet on the surface I held the same composer. Her lips parted. My hand slowly touched her face. Smooth, very smooth. I could smell the peppermint on her breath. I drew near until our noses touched. We barely broke eye contact except for the blinks in between each other. I leaned in connecting ourselves to each other. Her lips matched her skin. Wet and irresistible scent. I am melting into her with the warmth that rushes from her lungs through her nose. My eyes close as she captivates my senses. Kidnapping me only to her. I almost was ready to wake up thinking it was a dream. This wasn't dream. I was kissing a pretty girl in a small cozy room. My hand still lied on her cheek. Both of ours radiating a deep red. She pulled back slightly but not off my lips. I pursued her and letting my lips take control. Her hands migrate to my arms and we stay like that until we both part ways. Right then I knew I was going to be in for a ride this production. I looked at her. Trying to see if she felt the same. Her eyes remained close but a smile curled up on her face. I couldn't help but do the same.

Going back made me realize that I'm still like three inches away from El. She asked me again.

"Uh, just tired I told you. Sorry just kinda hard to accept that you guys will be going for awhile. I'm just being an emotional bastard. Go back. Enjoy the dinner. I'm going to head home. I'll keep in touch."

Elise seemed slightly depressed and deflated from what I said. I try to pass her but end up getting stuck in the doorway. She laughs nervously and backs away first, letting me breach the open space of the washroom. Before I left fully I turned to her and I one quick motion kissed her hard on the mouth. Those lips haven't changed since that first day. She is surprised but soon accepts it. I let go and then leave. Returning to my lonely apartment. I shut the door behind me and collapse in on myself. It's not physical pain. It's the pain and burden of my best friend who I want around all the time, but feel like I just can't have.