Serendipity | Colby Brock

34|(tw again)

Chapter 34

Tw ⚠
Self harm

I woke up in Colby's bed, I must have fallen asleep last night. They all ended up sleeping in Sam's room, which was next to Colby's. They wanted to give me space was they didn't want to leave me alone completely.

Kat had given me some of her clothes last night and Devyn helped me take of my makeup. I was extremely grateful for the two girls. Tara was really nice too, she had helped distract me.

I looked down at my hands, at my skin. There had been a time in my life where I thought I hated myself, and maybe I did, but then I didn't truly realize what hating myself meant.

But now I do.

My body was no longer my own. He had touched every inch of it and I couldn't tell him no.

There was no part of me that didn't belong to him. I wanted to carve my skin off inch by fucking inch. I don't want to be in this body anymore. I can't live like this. It hurts to look at my body.

I found myself standing in Colby's bathroom, looking in his mirror.

Suddenly I was hyper aware of every imperfection I had. How my nose was slightly crooked, the discoloration under my eyes. The way my body was too skinny in some parts and too fat in others. How my eyebrows weren't even, how my lips weren't perfectly filled.

I had unconsciously pulled up my sleeves, I looked down at my arms, at the dozens and dozens of puffy, pink scars.

I tilted my head at a small realization.

There were two empty spots near where my wrists meet my hands. Two spots where there was nothing, just normal skin that had been poisoned my Brennans touch.

I found myself pulling open the drawers in Colby's bathroom, looking for something, anything sharp.

This is a bad idea.

I told myself over and over that I shouldn't be doing this, but I couldn't control my arms anymore. I needed to feel something. My body needed to be hurt, I deserved it.

I found a pair of scissors in the third drawer. Finally.

I pulled them open, and placed the blade on my skin.

It's been 2 years since the last time I'd hurt myself. I hadn't let myself believe that I'd missed it, but I know I had.

The blade cut my skin almost perfectly. The line was straight up, which I realized was a bad idea but I didn't care.

It felt so good. It was like a release from everything. I could finally breathe again.

I did the same to the other arm. There was blood everywhere now, dripping from my arms.

Seeing it on the floor made something click inside me.

No. No no no no

Fuck please no don't tell me this is happening, this can't be happening, god fucking damn it.

I was doing so good. 2 years, 2 years and I just threw it all away.

The scissors fell from my hands onto the blood stained floor.

Colby

Shit. Shit shit shit, this was his house. Oh my god. If he didn't hate me before he definitely would hate me now. I ruined everything.

Why am I so absolutely fucking stupid?

"Aurora?" No no no please no. It was Sam.

My heart dropped when I saw him. His eyes were on me, on my arms, his mouth was wide open, his hands were shaking.

What have I done

"I-i I'm so sorry- I wasn't thinking- your floor, the blood- I'm so sorry, I'll clean it I promise I'll clean it- I'm sorry-" I rushed out, oh god. this is it.

Everything is ruined now. Sam must be so disgusted with me. He's gonna tell his friends and they're all gonna hate me. Colby's gonna hate me.

"No, no no please d-dont apologize- i- I'm gonna help you, okay? C-can I please help you?" His eyes were searching mine, he looked almost afraid to touch me, he didn't know if I was just gonna fall apart.

I nodded hesitantly. I don't know why he wanted to help me.

He slowly walked up to me, never breaking eye contact. His eyes were watering slightly but he never let any tears fall. I don't think I was crying, but I'm not sure.

He lightly took my hands in his, he looked at the cuts, he tried not to show how scared he was but I could tell.

He reached over and grabbed a first aid kit that was under the sink. He quickly helped me wrap my arms. He didn't say one negative thing, which shocked me.

The last time I told someone they slapped me and said I was a bad daughter

I was sure I was crying now. I tried to hide my face from him. I hated crying in front of people.

"Hey, it's okay to cry, I'm not gonna judge you." He smiled sadly at me. We were sitting on the floor now. He grabbed paper towels to try and clean up.

"Please let me do that, it's my fault, and you've already helped so much-" He stopped me. "Hey, no it's not a big deal, I can do it, you need to rest."

"But it's my fault." My voice cracked, he looked so upset. "This is not your fault. Please don't say that." He shook his hands, pulling me into a hug.

"Thank you." I cried, he rubbed a hand on my back. "Don't thank me, I just want you to be okay."