Never Say Never

24. Comfort

                                                                                R Y D E R

I can't believe I did that, but I couldn't stand someone else touching him.  I never thought sex could feel that great, or maybe it is just him. These thoughts run through my head as he cuddles up to me sleeping peacefully. I hope I did not hurt him because of how many rounds we went. I run my hand through his hair and close my eyes savoring this peaceful feeling I haven't felt in so long.

Unfortunately, it never lasts forever.

"You think you deserve to be happy Ry." I open my eyes and see Brett one of my brothers from service. His face is disfigured, and I can smell the burnt flesh invading my senses. "Why the fuck do you get to live, and we all died!"  His hands are around my throat and a searing pain course through my body. I feel my skin burning and it feels like the flesh is getting ripped off my skin.

"It wasn't my fault!" I try to scream but it comes out gurgled. "We were ambushed, we almost became prisoners of war."

"Anything would have been better than this!" He screams and his hand digs through my chest and I know that this is it I am going to truly die.

"Cowboy." I feel a warm hand caressing my cheek and it is not scorching hot. "Please Cowboy." I feel warm lips against mine and my eyes fly open. "There you are." He smiles down at me and I sit up and pull him into a hug and bury my head in the crook of his neck, trying to steady my breathing. "You're safe Ryder." He rubs my back soothingly. When my breathing gets back to normal and pull back to look at him. 

How can someone affect me this much? He brings me so much comfort that he does not even realize.

I lean forward and capture his lips. I thought last night was just going to be it to get it out of our system, but I already feel this need for him. Josh wraps his arms around me and that's when I notice we are still completely naked. As much as I would like to go another round with him my head is not in the right place for that, and I think he knows it too. He pulls back and caresses my cheek again before leaning his forehead against mine.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I had a feeling he was going to ask that. I shake my head and I hear him sigh as he pulls back. "Eventually, you will need to talk to someone about it Cowboy. It will liberate you and you will be free."

"I don't deserve it."

He jumps off of me but winces a little bit as he goes to pull on his boxers and I go to do the same. Then he comes straight towards me looking so pissed off as he grabs my face and not in a delicate way.

"You fucking listen to me, and you listen to me good you stubborn ass." I feel my lips twitch because his Texan accent is so fucking adorable. "You do fucking deserve it! You deserve peace of mind, and you fucking deserve happiness. Whatever that is going on up here." He taps my head, "and here." He taps my heart, I put my hand over his and keep it there. "Don't let whatever demons you have consume you."

"I can't" I try to pull away, but he grips me tighter. "The fuck you can! You can do anything Ryder, I know you can."

"I'm broken Josh." I have never been this vulnerable before that I feel a tear slip down my face and he wiped it with his thumb. I look into his eyes, and they are glistening with tears. "I know what happened last night can't last."

But I want it to...I think I do. I go to protest, but he puts his finger to my lips to shut me up. "Soon this will all be over, and I will go back home. However, I am here for you for as long as you want me to be in any shape or form."

"I wouldn't use you like that Josh."

"Maybe I want you to. Maybe we both need this." I shake my head and step away from him and I can feel the anger building inside me.

"Damn it Josh NO!" I turn around and slam my fist into the wall over and over again until I feel arms wrap around my waist.

"Cowboy stop" He whispers and leans his head on my back. I open my eyes and see the giant whole in my wall, but I don't care. Josh lets go of me and grabs my good hand and drags me to the bathroom.

"Sit!" He says sternly and I oblige, and he gets the first aid kit out the cabinet under the sink. "Stupid stubborn ass." He mumbles as he cleans up my knuckles. "You're an idiot you know that." He looks up at me and shakes his head, like he is a father scolding his child and I can't help but chuckle. "It's not funny you idiot!" He bandages up my hand and steps away from me. "I didn't know being with me was that fucking horrible." He walks out of the room I call out to him, but he whirls around and glares at me. "Go fuck yourself Ryder!" Turns around and walks back into my bedroom.

I don't know why when he says that it drives me insane. I get up and stride into my room like a man on a mission to get him to fucking understand. Fuck it sound like we are a damn married couple. I grab him by arm and twirl him around that he is facing me.

"You fucking listen to me you little drama queen."  He juts his chin up in defiance and I just want to punish him for it. "I don't want to fucking hurt you don't you get that! This will not end well, like you said. Do I want you...fuck yes!" He smiles brightly at me, and my anger seems to disappear yet again. How the fuck does he do this to me? "I don't want to destroy you." I tilt my head down.

"I'm not a fragile kid Ryder. I'm a grown ass man and can make grown ass decisions. Like I said before I am not looking for anything long term." Why the fuck does that hurt?  "I like you for some crazy reason Cowboy. Besides you are hot as hell." He smirks at me, and I just shake my head. "Plus, the sex was phenomenal." He moans and licks his lips, and I can't take it anymore as I walk towards him, but he beats me to it as he climbs up my body like the damn spider monkey that he is and crashes his lips to mine.

I grab his ass as he moans into the kiss. "It doesn't have to be anything more than what you want it to be." He pants out as I toss him back on the bed and strip his boxers off his body.

"So be it."

Then I take his hard member in my mouth and his screams are like music to my ears.

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A/N: Sorry for the delay in update. Another messed up week at work where my schedule is screwed up. I will try to post another chapter tomorrow, if not it will be on Sunday.

Until next time,

💞Lexi💞