Never Say Never

43. Breakdown

                                                                                    R Y D E R

I did not understand what Riv was saying, it was not making sense, but I heard the panic in his voice. He has not been that way since he lost the love of his life. As soon as he ends the call, I get a notification of his location. I grab my keys to my bike and look at the two without a care in the world.

"Josh!" His head snaps to me and I can see the worry in his eyes. I am trying not to freak out at this moment, but I know in my gut something bad has happened. "We need to go now."  He jumps off the couch and makes his way over to me. 

"Everything okay?"

I want to say it is, but I just can't.

"I'm not sure."

We make our way to the front door and Katrina grabs my arm. "I'm going with you guys." I shake my head, but she grips my wrist tightly. "I'm not taking no for an answer. If it involves Josh, I am in."

I don't think that's the case, but I need to not jump to conclusions until I know more. "I brought my bike." She walks away and I should have just dragged Josh out of there and left, but I did not know better at the moment. "Let's go, we will take my car." I grab her keys from her and walk out of the house with Josh right by my side. I pull him into a hug once we get to the car and whisper in his ear. "Just in case stick to Katrina." He pulls away and his eyes go wide and his lips tremble, he takes a deep breath but nods his head.

Anyone says that man is weak is a fucking fool. We all get in and I take off. I look at the location and see we are about twenty minutes away.

"Anyone, want to tell me what is going on?" Katrina says and Josh turns to look at her. "Not for sure but we will find out." I hate that he has to semi lie to her even though we do not know for sure. I grip the steering wheel tight. I should just turn around and drop her back home with Josh, but no one is safe right now. Hopefully it is nothing. Josh turns on the radio and starts singing off key to the music, which I am grateful because I need the distraction from all the negative thoughts.

Everything is fine, it has to be.

But it is not fine. As soon as we get closer, we see traffic and part of the road blocked off. I look at my phone and see a text from Riv.

River: It's not good, I couldn't

"Shit!" 

I stop the car abruptly and turn the car off and jump out. I start running and for a moment I forget about Josh or Katrina, and I run towards the scene. I stop dead in my tracks as I see Johnny's car. I hear footsteps behind me and just when I turn around there is an explosion and I hear Katrina scream.

"Johnny!" 

Tears fall down my face as I grab hold of her as she tries to rush past me, and I look at Josh as my body shakes. My best friend has just died, and I couldn't do anything to save him. I have failed him. I don't feel her pounding on my chest as I look at Josh feeling so lost and see tears are in his eyes as well.

River. I can't lose him too. Shit! Where is he?

"Josh, I need to find River. Do not let her get any closer."

He grabs my arm and his body shakes. "Please, don't leave."  I don't want to, but I need to know if he is dead too. "Fuck!" I thread my fingers through my hair. I grab my phone and call him, praying he will answer. When it keeps ringing, I start to panic again until all I hear his breathing. 

"River!"

"Stryker."

"Where the hell are you?"

"I'm here."

"I have Josh and Katrina with me."

"Shit! Do not let her get any closer... He's gone man!" I hear him sob and my heart breaks more. "I'm coming to you... I don't give a shit I will get checked out later." He argues with someone and the call ends.

I look back at Josh and Katrina and they both are a sobbing mess. I cannot breakdown right now I need to be here for them. Even if I feel so fucking lost right now. River pushes his way through the crowd and when I see him, I pull him into a hug as my body shakes, I gasp for a second before I compose myself. 

Kat pulls herself away from Josh and strides up to River. He doesn't look in the best shape especially with him trying to keep weight off his left leg. What the fuck happened? "Is he?" Her voice trembles and Riv nods his head as the tears fall down his face. A heart wrenching scream leaves her throat, before Josh can catch her, Riv does.

"Kit Kat, you need to think of the baby." Josh's eyes go wide as Riv's head snaps to him. "Pr-pregnant?" He nods his head and River's whole demeanor changes. He looks at me and I know we will talk later. "I'm going to take her to the hospital to get checked out." He says and I nod my head. "We'll meet you back at your place." He looks at Josh then as he goes to protest. "I promise I will keep her safe. I owe that to my friend."

"I'm not going anywhere with you!" She screams and she is hysterical at this point. River takes her by the shoulders to hold her still. "You will do as I say princess. My friend, your husband may be gone, but you have a life growing inside you. So, you better damn well think of that and do as I say. Or there will be nothing left of Johnny for you." I know he can be harsh, but his heart is in the right place.

Her body goes still, and her hand goes to her stomach. "Fine, I'm doing this for my husband." Then she wails again, and River scoops her up. "I'm taking her to the ambulance that is not near the scene, and I will see you soon."  

Josh rushes to her and kisses her head.  "I love you, Kit Kat." She nods her head as the tears flow down her face even more. As soon as they are away, I start walking towards the scene, but Josh tries to stop me. "What are you doing?"

"I need to see."

"Cowboy, I don't think that's good idea." I shake my head because I don't care because no matter what this is going to haunt me for the rest of my life. I grab his hand and move forward. "I don't think I can do this Ryder." I hear the fear in his voice. "Then don't." My voice is cold and void of any emotion. "You can turn your back from the scene and just don't turn around, you won't see anything." I stop dead in my tracks at the scene.

This can't be real. He's not in that wreckage, it's someone else...it has to be. 

I'm so sorry brother, it should have been me... Until we meet again.

I turn around and Josh jumps in my arms burying his head in my neck. "Please don't look." I beg and feel relief when he agrees not to. I walk as fast as I can back to Kat's car, and we get in. The whole way back to my place is silent and I can hear Josh sniffle. He grabs my hand, but I don't feel the warmth I did earlier this morning, I feel... nothing. The moment we get out of the car I stride up to the house open the door on autopilot and walk in with Josh on my heels. I hear the door shut and I know I can let shit out here, so I head straight for the basement. 

The moment I get down there I let out a cry so loud it rocks me to my core.

"R-Ryder" I grab the first thing I see and throw it and then the next and the next. When that doesn't feel like enough, I punch the wall over and over again. I can see my blood on the wall, but I cannot feel a thing.

Did he feel pain? Fuck! Was he alive when the car was on fire? 

"FUUUUUUUUCCCCCK!" 

I punch the wall with both fists, my body shakes and I feel like throwing up. He didn't deserve this it wasn't his fault. "P-please." I hear a whimper and when I blink my eyes Josh is right in front of me and my fist stops before I hit him instead. I sink to my knees and Josh grabs hold of me and I hold onto him tight. "I g-got you C-cowboy. I g-got you." Our bodies shake as we cry for the loss of someone truly special.

Once I get my shit together, I am going to hunt down whoever did this and torture them real slow before I end them.

To hell with the consequences, I will gladly welcome the darkness to make them pay.