love you to pieces

redemption

"Is it too soon to do this yet?"

I walked towards Louis' front gate with my tote bag in hand. The pressure was worsening, and I anticipated our first interaction since I saw him in the backstreets- since his outburst. I made my way to the front door, and rang the doorbell. Louis answered the door. It was awkwardly silent. Our eyes locked, his baggy and dark. After a few seconds, he broke the silence.

"Hi," he murmured.

"Hi," I responded briefly.

"My parents are out for a while but they said, hi. Do you want anything before we start? Water? Something to eat?" He asked quietly.

"I'm all good," I said, as he ushered me in.

This was the first time I'd been in his house since Millie died. It looked different, more pictures of Millie and a table with a special gold frame containing a photo of Millie, Louis and I as little kids on the beach. I stared at it for a few seconds before looking up at Louis' face which was right above my shoulder, staring at the photo with sadness in his eyes. I rested my arm on his shoulder in a comforting sense, as a tear fell down from his eye.

After the short sentimental moment, we headed to the dining room.

"So I brought some textbooks considering you haven't been at school for a while, my best subjects right now are English, sports theory and science, so let's start with those,"

"ok"

We got studying and it was surprising how much he could understand even though he had missed some crucial weeks.

"Wow Louis, you're picking this up really fast, you don't even need a tutor, yet alone someone in the year below you,"

"I just wanted to see you again, I'm so sorry for what I said, you know I didn't mean it, it's just because... I don't know,"

"Why Louis? Because you needed to apologise for everything you've done to me, how you've messed up my life?"

I started to get more angry as I was thinking of all the reasons why he should apologise.

"You've just used me Louis, I'm going home,"

I started packing up my stuff and just as i was at the front door,

"I love you,"

I turned around, and came face to face with him, a few millimetres separating the two of us.

Then, we kissed.

For real this time, like we both wanted it..

Unanimously, we pulled away. Before I was given the chance to say anything, Louis put his hand over my mouth.

"No. Don't say anything. I had to get that out of my system. Ever since you and Millie started hanging out for the first time, I knew. Everything about you was, and still is absolutely perfect. I've been holding this in for as long as I can remember, and now, I needed to tell you. I've been concealing my thoughts, and the reason i've been treating you the way I have is because i've been scared. Scared of the future, scared to lose you. All i've ever wanted to be was good enough for you. Y/n,"

"Louis, I cant be with you when you're like this. Its not fair on either of us, you need time."

"Y/n- I promise you I will change. I'll study, i'll get sober, i'll do anything for you Ok? Anything."

"..."

"No, you know what, this was a bad idea. I'm sorry."

Louis turned away giving me no choice but to leave.