Dreaming Is for the Free

Eighteen

After getting only four hours of sleep, I have a bit of an attitude this morning. I won't lie. The realization that it's Thursday hits me! It feels like the weekend should be closer, but it's not. So it's no wonder my energy meter has completely broken. Now I can only do the bare minimum for the rest of the week.

I'm just not enthusiastic about anything. I threw on some sweats and a t-shirt. I didn't bother to put on any make up either. This is the first week of school and I'm already in need of a mental health day. I am surprised yet relieved that the walk to class has assisted with easing some of my anxiety away. I guess I need to walk a hundred miles a day in order to survive. The fresh air, the greenery, it's all so peaceful. I wish that is what every inch of the world could look like. If that were true, I would be happy everyday.

I've already spotted Detective Henderson walking aimlessly around the campus, trying to look discreet. Seeing her has me on the fence. I'm glad the police are taking us seriously, but it's just a reminder of the craziness.

And to add on to an already bad day, I slept longer than I hoped and ended up missing Maya this morning, which is unfortunate because I really wanted to discuss how we're going to tell KJ and Kiara what's going on. The sooner we tell them, the better. I won't be able to hold it in much longer. And besides, four brains is better than two. They also might be able to tell us more about that night. They didn't have much to drink, if any. They have better recollection. Therefore, there are more pros than cons when it comes to revealing the truth to the two. I just hope KJ doesn't tell his parents so that it won't get to Grandma.

Ring!

I sluggishly look down at my phone and to my surprise, it's Grandma.

Ironic.

"Hello?" I quickly answer, hoping the call doesn't last long.

"Hey baby, you okay?"

"Hey, I'm good. What's going on with you?"

I try to make my voice sound a tad bit bright.

"Oh nothing. I won $100 last night at Bingo so Bev just came by and now she's gonna buy me some nightgowns." Grandma lets out a small chuckle.

"You already have enough." I reply.

"I know. But let me tell you why I'm really calling."

Oh no.

"So Bev was telling me about a missing student at Lennon. I know she's not missing anymore. But are you okay, really?"

My breath gets caught in my throat, but I regain my composure not wanting her to notice my hesitation.

"Oh, I'm good. I didn't know her but I did help with the search. I hope everything's good with her though."

I don't believe my own words.

"Okay, good. Me too." Grandma responds.

"Yeah, well I'm-"

"Have you been taking your meds?" Grandma cuts me off.

I didn't this morning. I forgot.

"Yeah. Why?"

She takes a deep breath. "College is a big change and I just wanna make sure you're coping in a healthy way. That's all."

Grandma's voice sounds even and clear, but a little too much so. Almost as if she practiced this.

"I'm good. I promise. It's only been a few days. I'm balancing everything so far. I'm sure I'll be good."

I'm trying to convince myself just as much as I'm trying to convince Grandma. I hope she believes me because she has every reason not to.

I go to each of my classes like a zombie. I take notes. Zoning in and out. I most definitely need to go over these notes as soon as I'm in a better head space.