See You in the Morning

4 // Mazurka

Michelle wrinkles her nose. The acrid smell of the black permanent marker pricks her nostrils, but in a good way.

She sits in a figure-four position, inking doodles across the rubber insole and cap of her worn Chuck Taylors. Choir classmates buzz around her, settling into their seats and waiting for the bell to ring. She ignores them, humming while she traces abstract shapes and zigzags, letting the repetitive patterns calm her swirling mind.

Josie had gotten engaged over the weekend.

Michelle could hardly recognize her sister's giggling, breathless voice over the phone. Between the two of them, Josie was always more composed and self-possessed. But as she listened to her sister ooze with sublime happiness, Michelle began to wonder if Josie had been secretly abducted by aliens.

Her dad was most pleased, of course. Then again, he's already wrapped up in his own fantasy with this mystery woman he's been seeing from work.

A group of nearby students burst into sudden laughter across the room. Ignoring them, Michelle begins a new pattern around the heel of her shoe.

She is happy for her sister and Marco, truly. There is no one more worthy or deserving of happiness than Josie, who was forced to grow up way faster than other girls her age after their mother left.

Michelle remembers, even if Josie never talks about the way she'd turn down or miss all the social events and spontaneous hangouts with her friends in high school simply because she had to rush home to cook dinner, pick Michelle up from school, or mow the lawn.

There were times back in middle school when Michelle would pad blindly to the bathroom in the middle of the night and see a sliver of light coming from Josie's bedroom, where she'd no doubt be working on whatever schoolwork she had to complete after giving so much of herself to take care of their family.

Her sister shielded her from everything, it seems.

Josie deserves to be happy. And there really is no one more perfect for Josie than Marco, who Michelle has long christened her favorite over the madly desirable Darren Teale, who had a crush on Josie in their senior year.

When that didn't work out, Michelle was completely content to cheer Darren on in his efforts to woo Lyla Duncan. But alas, they chose to remain friends; which in Michelle's opinion was a total waste of a perfect boyfriend.

A particularly loud burst of laughter startles her then, and the Sharpie slips in her hand. Cursing internally, Michelle continues to scribble and stew.

It's hard enough for her to picture her sister engaged, let alone plan a wedding.

For most teenage girls, the idea of a wedding can be so very glamorous. Surely girls like Avery Graham already have a vision for what that day will be like, down to the very design of the dress she'd wear to the cut of diamond on her ring.

But for Michelle, a wedding just seems so permanent, like an indecipherable monolith planted in the middle of a solitary field. And once Josie goes through, there is no going back; her sister will vanish off into her happiness, and things will never be the same again.

She drops her now-inked foot and brings the other shoe onto the opposite knee.

It's not that she can't picture herself in that kind of scenario. In fact, it's almost all-too easy for Michelle to see herself floating down a grand aisle, clothed in a beautiful white princess gown and clutching a bouquet of puffy, pale pink peonies.

She'd feel a thrill in her veins as a pair of manly hands lift the organza veil from her face, and she'd smile her prettiest smile as she meets Joshua's striking, blue diamond eyes...