See You in the Morning

19 // Nocturne

In the weeks ensuing Lucas's death, Darren mourned.

Though he made decent friends in high school, Darren had always felt a bit like a wanderer in terms of his social circles, never quite fitting in with his peers. His life then revolved around cello practice, competitions, auditions, and side jobs like teaching and espresso making, which left little to no room for weekend hangs. And by the time he fell in step with Lyla and her merry crew of friends, it was too late – everyone graduated and went their separate ways.

His friendship with Lucas had been an unexpected and remarkably ordained event. On the outside, they were complete opposites – Darren's dark musician aura pitted against Lucas's light athletic prowess made for quite a contrast. But on the inside, they were so eerily similar that they could have been brothers. On more than one occasion, Darren wondered if Lyla could also perceive their similarities; but he never let himself dwell on that for too long.

When Lucas died, Darren felt as though he had lost his own flesh and blood. While he loved his two younger biological brothers, Brennan and Miles, Darren was older than them by a good ten to twelve years. He and Lucas were merely a month apart; and it was painfully difficult to accept a reality where Lucas would never live to see another birthday or be around to make fun of Darren when his hairline starts to recede.

The only thing worse than burying his best friend was watching how it destroyed Lyla from the inside out.

He had held her for a long time the day the funeral home came to move Lucas's body. In his arms, she had felt like a crumpled bird who'd lost the will to fly. He longed to kiss away her tears and smooth her grief-stricken brow with his hand, but his desire to comfort her felt misplaced.

It was wrong for him to want her, wrong for him to think that her heart would even come to beat for him. Lyla's tears were for another boy, and she had loved Lucas with her entire heart and soul. In the end, Darren was just her dead boyfriend's best friend.

Take care of my girl, Lucas had said.

He was a fool to have made that blind promise. A fool to think that he'd get a happy ending in this excruciating tragedy. These days, Lyla doesn't even seem to want to talk to him, most likely because he reminds her of Lucas and the time they had spent together. How is he supposed to honor Lucas's dying wish if Lyla won't even acknowledge him?

Darren's headspace is a storm of messy thoughts as his cello bow weaves frantic patterns in the air. Even though he has played this musical passage thousands of times, his head and heart are too out of alignment for the music to make sense.

"Arghh!"

Darren slumps into his chair with weary defeat. He glances at the wall clock above the practice room door.

It's nearly five o'clock. His curtain call time is in thirty minutes, and he doubts his technique will improve with any more practice.

With a heavy sigh, he stands and crosses to the other side of the room, where his suit jacket hangs from a hook on the wall. He reaches into its pocket for his phone.

He'd sent her a few texts last week reminding her about his concert, but she did not reply.

[Hey, hope to see you at the concert!]

[It's okay if you can't come. I know it's on NYE.]

[Let me know if you can make it.]

Despite his slightly sinking heart, Darren decides to send a new message.

[Hey, LD. Are you coming tonight?]

But alas, he doesn't want to come across as pushy. The last thing she needs from him is a sense of pressure to be or do anything she may not want to do. Perhaps her radio silence has been purposeful, and she is avoiding him because she needs space.