See You in the Morning

18 // Passacaglia

Though it's the day after Christmas, every New Yorker knows that the season doesn't officially end until the Rockefeller Tree is dismantled.

Josie shivers as she walks past bedecked storefronts and festive buildings, wishing she had donned a hat this morning before hopping onto the bus back into the city. Even with her mittened hands tucked far into her pockets, she feels as though she could freeze into a block of ice. Quickening her strides, she hurries down 42nd Street and braces herself against the gelid wind.

Marco's family had chosen to spend Christmas in the city with him this year. Instead of going on their annual snowboarding trip, Marco's parents and older siblings stayed at a hotel near Times Square to see the Radio City Christmas Spectacular and enjoy the local sights. The Silvas had graciously invited Josie to join them, but she thought it more prudent to be with her father and sister back home in New Jersey.

It's not that she regrets her decision, since being home gave her the chance to reconcile with Michelle and to finally discuss the matter of their mother more openly. But time away from Marco has given her ample space to think about their relationship; and the more she thought about their engagement, the more obfuscated their future became in her mind.

The Christmas Village stalls at Bryant Park glimmer cheerfully with their glass windows set in holly green panes. The overhead sun glances off the jewel-box kiosks as people mill sleepily about. Before noon, the crowds have not yet begun to swarm. Josie considers this a small mercy, as she'd rather there not be thousands of bystanders when she talks to Marco. As it stands, the park is the better option – the last thing she wants to do is to meet him at the hotel with his entire family in attendance.

She was wracked with guilt and remorse after her fight with him on Thanksgiving. Though, it wasn't as much of a fight as it had been a head-on collision of unfortunate epiphanies, one of which was the fact she had lied to him about finding her mom.

It had been a lie of omission, but it was a hurtful lie nonetheless.

She didn't want to admit it, but Evanna had shaken her sense of confidence. Telling Marco about Evanna would have pitted him against her mother, thus portraying him as the boy who would invariably wreck her life. Josie didn't want to risk that happening, not when she had finally found her mother after all these long, heartsick years.

If she was a better person, she would have told him the truth from the start. But she wasn't a better person, because she had her own doubts about their engagement that had nothing to do with his devotion and everything to do with her own baggage. Surely, Marco deserves more than some broken girl with abandonment issues!

Heart heavy, Josie heads towards the Max Brenner stall and orders two small Italian hot chocolates. She clumsily digs up several bills from her canvas bag, her fingers stiff with cold and lack of circulation. Once she pays for the drinks, she turns and starts to walk towards the carousel on the other side of the ice skating rink.

She last visited a carousel with Marco in Central Park during their senior year of high school. They weren't yet dating, but they had danced around their unuttered longings from the Bow Bridge all the way to the Imperial Theatre. That had been an exceptionally euphoric day, one in which Josie realized her feelings for Marco surpassed the realm of friendship.

The irony of it all is not lost on her as she approaches the Bryant Park carousel with climbing dread. Even the most beautiful merry-go-rounds can't spin forever.

Her heart twinges when she spots his lanky frame. Marco stands casually before the carousel gate wearing a hip, gray beanie and a slim black peacoat. He turns as she approaches, unshaven and looking wary.