Someone I used to know

I would rather die

TW: Mention of blood and panic attacks

'Please let him go!!' I was begging on my knees, when I saw what Voldemort was doing to Mattheo. Mattheo was in so much pain, but his father wouldn't stop. He was hurting Mattheo because of me. Mattheo was bleeding all over his body and I was scared he wouldn't make it. I kept on begging for Voldemort to stop, until he finally healed Mattheo. Mattheo then noticed me and begged his father to let me leave. His father didn't listen to him. All he wanted was for Mattheo to join him and become a deatheater. Mattheo then said that he would rather die, than ever join Voldemort. ' You sure about that Mattheo?' Voldemort asked. 'You're a monster. I would never join you after everthing you did to Y/N.' 'Fine, Avada Kedavra.' Mattheo was gone. I screamed out in pain.

And with that scream I woke up. Once I was awake I immediately stopped screaming, because I didn't want to wake up the whole castle. But, I was still sobbing. Mattheo had woken up from my scream and was asking me what the hell happened. I couldn't form any words. All I could was cry. He held me tight and told me that I was okay and safe. 'Love, you're okay. I'm here. You're safe. Breathe.' I heard him talking, but I couldn't listen to him. I just watched him die. I watched the person, I love most, die in front of me. 
After about five minutes of Mattheo holding me and trying to calm me down, I slowly calmed down a bit. I stopped crying and realized completely that it was all a dream. It felt so real, that it was hard to fully get back to reality. I got out of Mattheo's grip and looked at him with a bit of fear in my eyes. I knew he wasn't dead, but I was still scared that something would happen to him. 
'Are you okay, love?' Mattheo asked me. 'I don't know.' 'What happened? What did you see?' 'It's nothing.' 'Love, we can both see, that that was not nothing. So, tell me what did you dream?' 'I... you... your... your...' 'My what? Was it my father?' 'Yes...' 'What did he do?' 'He... was hurting you. You were bleeding out and I begged him to stop and he did, but then...' 'What happened after that?' 'You... he... he... killed you...' I started to tear up again. 'Hey, hey... Don't cry, my love. I'm here. I'm safe. You're safe. So, dry those tears.' Mattheo said to me, before taking me in his arms again. We layed back down on the bed, while he was holding me. I was really tired, since it was still the middle of the night, so I fell asleep again after a little while. 

Once I woke up, I turned around to find Mattheo gone. I started to get a bit nervous, but was thinking that he would probably be in the bathroom. So, I got out of bed to check the bathroom, to find that he wasn't there either. I ran out of the room to check the common room, but that was empty as well. I went back to Mattheo's room and starting breathing quickly and heavily. My hands started shaking, my heart was racing and I couldn't breath anymore. I started to shake out my hands to get them to stop shaking, but it didn't work. I tried to slow down my breathing, but I also couldn't do that. All I could do, was thinking about what was happening to Mattheo. That his father probably took him and that I did that. That I was the reason my dream would come true. I fell down to my knees, still not being able to breathe.
I couldn't focus on anything that was happening around me, until someone grabbed my shoulders and shook me a little bit. I looked up to see Mattheo crouched down in front of me. 'M M M Mat Mattheo...?' 'Yes, love I'm here. Just breathe with me. In..... Out.... In.... Out....' I tried to breathe with him and it was hard at first, but looking at him and feeling his hands on my shoulders helped me relax again. When I was able to breathe normally again and my heart slowed down a bit again, I hugged Mattheo tight. 'WHERE WERE YOU?!! I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONE!' 'I'm here, love. I was just getting you some breakfast.' 'You... you got me breakfast?' 'Yes, your favorite, french toast.' 'What? That's so sweet.' I kissed Mattheo.

I pulled away from Mattheo and looked at him. 'Mattheo?' 'Yes, Y/N?' 'Did I... just have a... a... panic attack?' 'Yes.' 'How did you know, how to calm me down?' 'I had them too.' 'When?' 'When I first started at Hogwarts, last year.' 'Why did you have them?' 'Because of my father. Theo helped me back then and he learned me how to cope with them. Never thought I'd be happy I had them. If I didn't have them back then, I don't think I would've been able to help you.' 'Thank you for helping me, Mattheo.' 'Ofcourse, love. Have you had one before?' 'I've felt nervous and a bit panicky before, but nothing as bad as this. So, I'm happy you found me.' 'Me too. Now let's eat some breakfast and get ready for the day, because I have some plans for us.' 'Don't we have class today?' 'Yes, we'll go to them first and then we'll meet up in the courtyard at 3 for your surprise. Okay?' 'Sounds good.'