Submerge

S O R R Y

M A S O N

I woke up with a pounding headache, my mouth dry and tasting like something had died in it. The room spun slightly as I tried to sit up, the harsh morning light making my eyes water. My body felt like it had been hit by a truck. Every muscle ached, and there was a dull, throbbing pain in my lower back.

As I blinked, trying to piece together the fragments of my memory, the door to my room slammed open. Nathan stood there, his face a mask of fury and concern.

"Mason," he snapped, his voice cold and angry. "What the hell did you take?"

I flinched at his tone, my heart racing. "I... I didn't-"  I stammered my voice weak. Nathan's eyes narrowed, and he took a step closer. "Yes you fucking did!"

Tears welled up in my eyes, and I tried to look away, but Nathan grabbed my chin, forcing me to face him. "Look.At.Me"

 "I'm sorry," I whispered, my voice barely audible. "I just..."

"Sorry isn't good enough," Nathan interrupted, his grip tightening. "You need to understand that what you're doing is hurting everyone around you. Liam found you high out of your mind last night. Do you know how scared he was? How scared I was?"

"I didn't mean to scare anyone," I pleaded, my voice trembling. "I just... I cant forget my heads wont leave alone"

"I'm so fucking tired mason!" Nathan let go of my chin, running a hand through his hair in frustration "do you understand me?" I nodded, tears streaming down my face.

"if you try to get high again, I will take you to rehab myself. Do you understand me?" Nathan sighed heavily, his expression a mix of exhaustion and sorrow.

"I don't want to go to rehab," I said, my voice barely above a whisper. "Then stop using drugs, even weed," Nathan said firmly. "No more. You're going to get clean, and you're going to do it here, with my help. But if you slip up again, rehab is the next step. No arguments."

I nodded, the reality of his words sinking in. I didn't want to go to rehab, but the idea of facing my demons without the numbing escape of drugs was terrifying.

Nathan's eyes softened slightly, but his frustration was still evident. "You're grounded. No going out unless it's with me or Liam. And you're going to start therapy again. Regular sessions. No excuses."

I swallowed hard, feeling a mix of relief and dread. "Okay," I whispered.

The next few days were a blur of forced routines and uneasy silences. I tried to stick to Nathan's rules, but the weight of everything was still heavy on my mind. I knew I had to make amends with Ethan, to explain my sudden disappearance and try to mend things between us.

I pulled out my phone and stared at the screen, hesitating for a moment before typing a message.

Hey, Ethan. Can we talk? I'm sorry about the other night. I just... had to get out. I hope you understand.

I hit send and waited, my heart pounding with anxiety. A few minutes later, my phone buzzed with a reply.

Sure. Where are you? We can meet up.

I sighed with relief and quickly typed back.

I'm at Nathan's place. You can come over.

Ethan arrived about twenty minutes later, and I greeted him at the door, trying to muster a smile despite the tension I felt inside.

"Hey," I said, stepping aside to let him in. "Thanks for coming."

Ethan nodded, his eyes searching mine. "Of course. I was worried about you."

We sat down in the living room, the silence stretching between us uncomfortably. I took a deep breath, trying to find the right words.

"I'm really sorry for disappearing like that," I began. "I... I had a really bad night. I just needed to clear my head, and I ended up getting high. I know it was stupid, and I'm sorry."

Ethan's brow furrowed. "But why, Mason? Why did you feel the need to do that? you could've woken me up"

I looked down at my hands, my heart heavy with guilt. "I just couldn't handle everything. My mind wouldn't stop racing, and I thought it would help. But it only made things worse." Tears started to drop into my palms.

"Hey, hey, don't cry. I hate seeing those beautiful eyes filled with tears," Ethan said while cupping my face in his hands

A few days later, I found myself sitting in the waiting room of Dr. Henderson's office, my therapist. It felt strange to be back, the familiar surroundings both comforting and suffocating. Nathan sat beside me, his presence a constant reminder of the promise I had made.

When my name was called, I stood up, taking a deep breath before walking into the therapist's office. Dr. Henderson greeted me with a warm smile, his eyes full of understanding.

"Hello, Mason. It's good to see you again," he said, motioning for me to take a seat.

"Hi, Dr. Henderson," I replied, my voice strained.

"How have you been feeling?" he asked, his tone gentle.

I hesitated, forcing a smile. "I'm... I'm okay. I've been taking my pills and trying to stick to a routine."

Dr. Henderson nodded, jotting down notes. "That's good to hear. How about your thoughts and emotions? Any changes since we last spoke?"

"a bit better, but I still get panic attacks every once an a while and pass out from how bad it is"

"Hmm," Dr. Henderson said, leaning back in his chair slightly. "Let's start with some grounding techniques. These can be especially helpful when you're feeling overwhelmed or having a panic attack. Have you ever tried grounding exercises before?"

I shook my head, feeling a bit lost.

"Alright," he continued, "grounding techniques are all about bringing your attention back to the present moment. One simple method is the '5-4-3-2-1' exercise. It's a way to engage all your senses. Here's how it works, first, name five things you can see around you, then, four things you can touch. three things you can hear. two things you can smell. and finally, one thing you can taste."

I nodded slowly, trying to take it all in. "Another technique is deep breathing," Dr. Henderson continued. "When you feel anxiety building up, try to take slow, deep breaths. Inhale for a count of four, hold for a count of four, then exhale for a count of four. Repeat this a few times until you start to feel calmer."

I nodded again, feeling a bit more hopeful. "I think I can do that."

"Good," he said with a smile. "It's also important to have a support system. I know Nathan is there for you, but don't hesitate to reach out to friends or other family members as well. you can even call me, Isolation can make things worse."

I thought of Ethan and the way he had been there for me recently. "Yeah, I have a few people I can talk to."

"Excellent," Dr. Henderson said. "Remember, Mason, it's all about taking things one step at a time. Small, consistent efforts can lead to big changes over time. And don't be too hard on yourself when you stumble. Recovery is not a straight line, and setbacks are a natural part of the process."

I forced a smile, but inside, the weight of his words felt crushing. The more he talked about coping mechanisms and support systems, the more it felt like just another set of responsibilities I couldn't handle. More people to lie to, more expectations to fail.

I left the office feeling heavier than before. For the first time in a while, I felt like there was no way out of the darkness, no path forward. And I was trapped, taking one step at a time, deeper into the abyss of my own making.

I'M VERY SORRY GUYS IK I PROMISED TO UPDATE EVERYWEEK BUT MY LIFE HAS BEEN A TOTAL MESS!!