Monasterio Series 8: Nights in Casa Vallejo

Chapter 23

Chapter 23

Mabigat ang pakiramdam ko kinabukasan. I'm not sure if it's because of my pregnancy or because of the argument I had with Terrence last night. Hindi ako nakatulog nang maayos sa kakaisip sa kaniya.

His words keeps on lingering in my head. The pain in his eyes when he said that he thought our love for each other was enough for us to get married always play in my ears.

Heaven knows that I want to marry him. It's just that he was too quick to decide about things he isn't even sure about. Dahil ang totoo, ako mismo sa sarili ko ay may alanganin na tatagal ang relasyon namin.

He can't blame me if I have this kind of mindset. He is the first man who has taken me seriously. The first man I let myself get involved with despite our age gap. I have so many insecurities when it comes to that. I have so many what ifs.

Hindi ba puwedeng alisin ko muna sa sistema ko ang mga 'yon bago ako pumayag sa gusto niya? That way, we can have a healthy relationship.

Kung sa bagay, pumayag naman na siya na huwag munang magpakasal. Iyon naman ang gusto ko, hindi ba? Ayaw kong matali kami sa isa't isa kasi maaaring dumating sa puntong magbago pa ang isip niya.

Pero bakit pakiramdam ko, nasasaktan ako sa ginawa kong pagtanggi sa kaniya?

I know. I'm very confusing at this moment.

"Ma'am Priscilla, may I just remind you that you have a meeting with Mrs. Parker at one in the afternoon in Solaire hotel."

Huminga ako nang malalim habang nakikinig sa mga sinasabi ng sekretarya ko sa kabilang linya. I'm still lying on the bed. Wala akong balak pumasok sa trabaho dahil na rin sa bigat ng katawan ko. I was even experiencing repeated vomiting.

"Please reschedule it by next week. I'm feeling under the weather right now." namamaos ang boses na sabi ko.

"Okay, ma'am. I will inform her secretary right away. Please get well soon."

"Thanks. Ikaw na muna bahala diyan."

I hang the phone up. Ipinikit ko ang mga mata. I felt my stomach grumbling again but I don't have the appetite to eat anything. Gusto ko na lang sumuka nang sumuka kahit masiyado nang mahapdi ang sikmura ko.

Gusto kong tawagan si Terrence at sabihin sa kaniya ang nararamdaman ko ngayon pero masiyado naman akong maarte no'n. Isa pa, hindi rin siya nagpaparamdam sa akin simula kagabi. I guess he's still mad at me.

Naiintindihan ko. Kahit sino naman ang matanggihan sa alok na kasal ay magtatampo o magagalit.

Tumayo ako sa kama nang maramdaman ang muling pagbaliktad ng sikmura ko. I ran towards the bathroom the moment I felt the bitter taste in my mouth.

Napaluhod ako sa harapan ng toilet bowl at doon dumuwal. It's just frustrating that nothing's really coming out of my stomach but the pain was intense.

Paanong may ilalabas kung wala pa nga akong kinakain!

Humigpit ang hawak ko sa gilid ng toilet bowl, habol ang hininga.

"Damn it!" I cursed as I puke my stomach out again.

Tears were already falling down my cheeks. My vision was starting to get blurry and I felt my strength slowly leaving my body.

Habang nagduduwal, ramdam ko ang paghawak ng buhok ko sa likuran at ang marahang paghaplos sa aking likod. Natigilan ako at kahit nakakaramdam nang matinding panghihina ay lumingon ako.

I saw Terrence squatting behind me. His smoldering pitch black eyes were stabbing into my soul like a sharp and pointed knife.

Walang emosyon ang mukha niya at mariin lang akong pinagmamasdan. Malayo sa nakasanayan ko. He doesn't even look worried.