Poetry In My Dreams

TRIGGER WARNING

Why

Why

Why can she not see that I'm dying

I'm so fucking done with life

I hate it here

I want to leave the meaningless plain of existence

I hurts so much

She says she loves me then turns around a does the opposite

WHY CAN SHE SEE ITS KILLING ME

she refuses to see it

I hate her so fucking much for what she I has and is continuing to do to me

I am a god damned child

Why can't she see that

All u want is some help and for her to actually help me with this

But no

I got emotional

(As all children who are anxious, depressed in distress should do)

And that means that it can't de done

I want to die

I've wanted to die for so long now

But by some miracle I'm still holding on

I'm still hoping she will finally put in the actual effort and see me and do something about it

But she won't

And she never will

So why do I keep trying

Why do I hold on

I don't want to hold on anymore

...

I'm a good kid

What have I ever done wrong

I'm never in trouble at school

I've never skipped, run away, got in to fights, or been awful to anyone

I've never done drugs or anything illegal

What would she do if I did some of those thing

What would she do if I slipped through the crakes

What would she do if I let go

Would she finally see me

Would she finally do something to help

Would she catch me

Or

(And this is the most likely situation)

Would I be long gone before she even bothered to notice

Let go and end up

Somewhere where she can hurt me

Can't disappoint me anymore

Can't reach me anymore

And then and only then will she see me and what she has done

I hope she feels like the shittiest mom in this whole fucked up world

Because she drove her own daughter to this point

...

I fucking hate myself and I want to die