Letting Go Liberty

Chap 01

It was a Friday night when my mom told me that my presence was needed at this dinner. And that moment I knew that in my life there's nothing that I'm sure of but tonight one thing is certain, this night will be one hell of a time. I knew that coming here would just suck all the remaining energy but wag na tayong mag lokohan, the constant feeling of tension and pressure and everything in between was not something I wasn't used to.

"Callista." A way too familiar voice echoed in my ears as I was sipping my drink. I knew it was my mom and if she was calling someone else, most probably that someone is already shaking in terror dahil sa diin ng boses ni Mama. But not me.

"Ma." I stood up and acknowledge her presence, we shared a somewhat awkward and stiff hug. What's with Mama today? It's not as if we hug every day, us hugging feels like a once-in-a-blue-moon experience. Nope, not up for it.

After a little over a while, I looked over her shoulders scanning the room to search for my dad bago pa siya maghanap nang kung sino sino sa akin.

When I couldn't find him, I asked, "Where's Papa?" 

She also looked around, there weren't that many guests since it was a family dinner with some of our family friends, but she also couldn't see where her husband is, "You know your dad, he's most certainly greeting guests. He'll come around." 

I just nodded and went back to my food.

Minsan kasi hindi ko na din alam ano ang iba pang pwedeng sabihin. It's better to not say anything than to expect people to listen to you.

I don't know when this dinner will end, it's still early but I just want to go home and drown myself in school requirements. Dumadami na din kasi ang workload since I'm in my third year in college. Oh! and maybe eat again since the food here tastes bland, and who in the world gets full eating these types of dishes?

'Saan kaya pwede mag tago dito?' I tried talking to myself while looking around, finding ways kung paano ba ako aalis nang hindi napapansin ng mga tao. But before I could stand up and go, I heard the feedback of speakers coming from the mini stage in front. What the hell was my mom doing at that stage?! Where's Dad? Please don't let this be it...

My mom started her speech and in all honesty, I wasn't even paying attention because I knew where this is going but I stayed just to confirm. "As we are all aware of, for the betterment of both Estrella's and de Guzman's, we have decided to merge the companies, and the inheritors shall both agree in marriage.."

I didn't bare to listen, it was infuriating.

People started talking among themselves, some were talking to my mom, some even celebrated, and they clinked and raised their glasses for toasts. What pissed me off is that I couldn't get myself to get mad at them. Ano bang alam nila? Hindi ko naman sila masisisi kung tingin nila na walang mali sa pinag gagagawa ni Mama.

We? Eh hindi naman ako kasama sa desisyon na 'yon. I don't even understand the purpose of that marriage! Besides! I am my own person, wouldn't they let me choose and decide for myself just this once?! Ni hindi ko nga nagawang hindi sumunod sa kanila sa ibang mga bagay. Not once did I question them. But this? I was done holding back, I really tried to count to ten and even tried to steady my breathing but this is too much. I stood up and fled the place.

I didn't know where I was. Lumkad lang ako ng direderetso habang nakayuko kaya di ko na alam kung saan itong lugar na 'to. Maybe this was the garden judging from the lawn and the small fountain in the middle of it.

"Lili.." I heard a soft voice from a distance. "Pa..." he walked towards me and wrapped me in a hug, not really a fan of physical touch but tonight's been exhausting and I really needed this.

"My baby... " Dad pulled back a little and brushed the strands of my hair and tucked them behind my ears and went back to embrace me. I hate how my dad could be thinking about how emotional I am. I knew that seeing me in this state would break the front that I was trying hard to keep.

"I'll talk to your mom about this tomorrow," I knew that my tears were leaving stains on his white polo but still Papa was tapping my back awkwardly, I knew he was trying his best, "...if you want I can drop you home."

I don't know what I'll do if Papa didn't volunteer to drop me home. Baka kung saan na lang ako pulutin nito because I could really pass out with the amount of crying I'm doing.

I was suddenly brought back to my senses when the car suddenly stopped. Just how occupied my mind is to not notice how we were already in front of my building?

Papa insisted that he drops me in front of my door but I told him that he should go back to the dinner since it was far from ending, it was barely a quarter to nine.

When I reached my apartment, I changed my clothes and decided to eat out, I'm thinking of fast food. Maybe feeling down has it's silver lining, I had an excuse to eat what I usually don't. 

I drove my black Volkswagen Atlas that my parents gifted to me as a high school graduation gift and birthday gift to me. I insisted that this was my gift for the whole year's occasion. I didn't want them to take me into account for this gift.

Eating alone was normal for me but I hate to admit I silently wished I have someone beside me whenever I eat. I didn't stay that long after I ate since I looked miserable, judging from the looks people were giving. 

Kanina nga it looks like gusto akong tanungin nung waiter when I took my order when they called my number.

I stopped by St. Augustine University to go to the library, I didn't have any better to do so maybe I could pass time plus the peace and quiet inside is unbeatable! Hindi ko nga alam kung nasa kotse ko ba ang I.D ko pero nakapasok naman ako noong nakita ko si kuya guard na lagi akong nginingitian kahit hindi naman ako mukang friendly.

I was looking for a psychological books para naman hindi sayang ang pag punta ko dito. After a moment of scanning through the back of the books, reading the blurbs trying to see what would pique my interest. I settled with a cognitive psychology-related book. It's called The Psychology of a Child written by Jean Piaget.

I sat down in my usual spot, which is on the far side of the room. This is a good spot lalo na when the sun is setting during the golden hour because there's a palladian window near my seat, watching the sunset would be one of the few things that make me pause, who wouldn't spare a minute to adore the skies?

Sinara ko saglit 'yung librong hawak ko, sobrang naaliw na ata ako kaya I paused, I sat down straight because I was laying my head in my arms as I was reading and my neck was starting to strain. 

As I was in the middle of stretching neck, my eyes widened but I quickly acted normal dahil alam ko namang aasarin lang ako nito dahil sa reaksyon ko.

What is this guy doing here? Akala ko ba ay susunod siya sa dinner? But what was he doing here?

He was slowly walking toward me while the look on my face remained unfazed.

When he reached me, he pulled a chair beside me making the chair face backward. Pinatong niya yung braso niya sa lamesa at nangalumbaba.

"I knew i'd find you here." Jai said with his ever too pleasing voice, 'di ko nga din alam minsan kung sinasadya niya bang pagtunuging malambing ang boses niya. If you listen to his voice kasi it's as if he's smiling while saying words.

I rolled my eyes and heaved a sigh. My peace and quiet were short-lived but this is the only noise that I would entertain.