Book Reviews ||CLOSED||

Unending Faults

As mentioned earlier, this book has been reviewed based on the following criteria:

♠Title
♠Cover
♠Blurb
♠Grammar
♠Point of view execution
♠Story pacing
♠Writing style
♠Punctuation
♠ Character introduction

It also contains comments and ways the writer can better their work. If the review makes you want to read the book, go right ahead.

Title: Unending Faults

Writer: herself14

Review

Title: The title is good and quite creative too. From the first five chapters, I think I did see a bit of connection to the story and hopefully it gets clearer as the story continues.

Cover: I'd say the cover is pretty plain. It's not eye-catching, creative and neither does it go with the genre. It doesn't remotely relate to the title or even give a hint about what we should expect in the story.

My team rated the cover below average. I'd suggest getting a cover from a cover shop.

Blurb: The blurb is pretty vague. It almost gives nothing about the story and doesn't leave a reader with much to expect.

Grammar: This particular aspect of the story is quite off-putting. There were way too many errors and grammatical inconsistencies in the story that I got tired of spotting them. The tenses were switched a lot of times, there were errors in the subject-verb agreement, grammatical blunders were present too.

'Furrowed together' is a tautology because the word 'furrow' includes 'together' in it's definition. It practically means to pull the brows together. It would have been much better to write, 'my brows furrowed' or I 'furrowed my brows'.

I'll give an example where there was an error in the subject verb agreement:

I made sure to add some mocking sounds and slapped my thighs after every groan she lets out.

The correct thing would be: I made sure to add some mocking sounds and slap my thighs after every groan she let out.

Now I can't possibly point out all the errors because there are a lot of them but you really need to pay close attention to your grammar.

POV execution: I really had a problem with this. Your story is written in first person with you switching between two main characters' POVs (which is totally fine). The only problem I have is that it read as third person in some parts.

The parts where your character said things like 'contempt blossoming on my face', 'she could see the battle happening on my face' and the part where she said 'I couldn't help the concern evident on my face'.

Apart from the fact that this is clearly telling, the story is in 1st person. You can't accurately describe your expression. You can say what you think your expression looks like but you can't outrightly spell it out.

Story pacing: I can't say much about this because for most parts of the story, I wasn't sure what was going on. And as I mentioned earlier, the blurb didn't give me much to expect. I was just aware that a story was being told and maybe something would happen at some point.

Writing style: Now grammar aside, I did like the descriptions at some point but I wouldn't exactly say the writing style was smooth. I won't say much on how the story was dominated by telling, I'll just suggest that you take online classes on 'how to show and not tell in writing'.

Punctuation: This is another aspect that really needs attention. I can't point out the errors (unless you want me to) because they were much and it doesn't feel right to comment on a particular aspect and leave the others. That said, I feel some of the errors are honest mistakes. You just need to do a better job while editing the story.

Character introduction: I wouldn't say you did a very good job here. There isn't any real character introduction per se. Apart from Dijah (and well, Chidera and Jane) the rest of your characters are basically just listed and we are expected to know them.

I'd also like to comment on the way you wrote Chidera's POV. There's a bunch of stuff written in italics (which I assumed to be a kind of flashback) before his actual POV continues in the present scene. It feels a little off—although I did get what you were trying to do—it feels more like a not-so subtle way of revealing his backstory.

I'm not going to go into the details of when and why you should write flashbacks or if it's even necessary to do so, but if you're going to make it a constant something then I feel that wouldn't be the best idea.

It's just a personal opinion but anything from the backstory that's actually crucial to the present narrative can be revealed as exposition. There are times that it would be better off written as a flashback but I feel this isn't just one of the times (again, just a personal opinion).

It feels more like the backstory is just being shoehorned into the story and most times the reader doesn't really need to know the character's backstory.

All in all, the story isn't bad but it could be much better.