Regulus Black isn't a stranger to regret.
His choices stack up like dominoes behind his eyelids, all waiting for the final push. He regrets every single one of them, and feels the shadow of regret for all those to come.
And yet, despite the self-aware acceptance of his bad decisions, he didn't see James Potter coming.
He should have. Ever since that first day months ago when he opened his eyes and found James staring back at him, he should've realised this would end badly.
But Merlin, how is Regulus supposed to resist that? James Potter is everything he wants and more, to the point where Regulus still longs for him through hatred and sorrow.
Now that he lies under his covers, in the dark, reflecting upon his week, Regulus wishes he could carve out that longing and throw it elsewhere. Sucking James Potter's dick sober? This is a regret that will remain standing even after all the other dominoes have fallen.
Regulus flops onto his back, staring into the dark above. Thoughts of James have been plaguing him more-so since that day a week ago. Their paths haven't crossed since, but it's only a matter of time with their tight-knit circles.
Regulus doesn't know what he'll do. Him and James hadn't exactly talked after their mutual blow-jobs. They exchanged polite nods and then hurried off, faces flush and memory burned into at least one of their brains.
Should he pretend it never happened? That would be easiest. Except, then Regulus would go on pining in silence and they'd probably still wake up in the same bed after copious alcohol consumption.
Acknowledging it could go many ways. They could talk, fuck, fight, cry, kill each other, fall hopelessly in love or reach absolutely no conclusion and awkwardly stand in silence as they burn on the inside. These are all outcomes that Regulus seriously considers.
Either way, Regulus needs to get rid of these feelings before he does something stupid, like suck James Potter's dick sober. Oh wait, he already did that. The memory tickles the edges of his mind, threatening to consume him and making sure he doesn't forget the [something] feeling of James' hands in his hair.
If Regulus isn't careful, he's going to end up in bed with James again, this time without the alcohol to wipe his mind. And as tempting as it is, Regulus can't. He repeats the same thing in his mind over and over, the mantra that keeps his head above the water.
Tojurs Pur.
Tojurs Pur.
Tojurs Pur.
The words hang above him like a guillotine's blade, the much-needed reminder that he is not free, no matter how hard Hogwarts lets him pretend. It brings him back to Earth, reminding him that James Potter is small in the bigger picture, in the life he's expected to live.
Regulus sighs, allowing the thought to wrap around him like an extra blanket, staving off the late-night cold that has begun to filter through.
Sinking into the mattress, he sleeps.
