They sat on the cold pavement, sharing a box of pizza she just bought along the way, enjoying the view of 6:30 pm sunset while hovering the busy streets.
"You said you wanna talk." She said with feelings words cannot define.
"I do." He answered, noticing the different aura she radiates.
"About what." She made a mental note not to eat something unhealthy today, but the pizza just smells so good. "About the incident this morning?"
"That and everything." He answered, taking in the breathtaking view, that surrounds him and is in front of him.
"Okay." Her gray eyes is illuminated by the sun rays about to bid good bye. She was so curious why Calum acts this way.
"Maddie and I are not together. And I'm sorry you have to see the opposite. I was really confused about everything and they were bottled up inside me." He confessed, closing the pizza box and setting it aside as he crawls and sit beside her.
"I know." She said. "Why are you sorry? You said it yourself, you're just confused. I think normal people does that, you know. That's why bars, cigarettes, vodka and sex are brought up to this world. To release this poisonous chemicals that we think are killing us." She subconsciously put her denim covered legs over his, waving her foot to avoid cramps.
"Ofcourse you're not mad. You never get mad." He rolled his eyes at her but held his gaze for a little longer.
"Life is way too full of problems to be mad at them. I mean, some people adds you on their to-do list when you're mad to make sure they would make it up to you and it costs time which they can spend to more valuable things." Darkness surrounded them, only the lamp hanging over the door is their source of light.
"But you are valuable, Fray. What if horrible things were done to you? You deserve to get mad to make some people feel that they did something bad. It's not how valuable you are, since every human being walking on the ground is full of worth." She admired him, even she cannot see his physical figure right now because of the sun's farewell, she can hear the echoes of his depth.
She doesn't answer but stood up. Calum heard so he did too.
"We are not done talking."
"Who said we were?"
She grabbed his hand for the first time, right away replacing the coldness with her warmth as they carefully trudged down the spiral staircase.
They walked in silence, still hand in hand for good twenty minutes until they reached their destination.
"A park? Fray you know I hate public places. The looks of the grown ups being thrown at me while I am smoking is pure disgust." He shook his head, the anxiety started to flow through his veins.
"If you only try to look, people don't usually go here when the sun isn't around. I don't know why, maybe because they can't see the flowers." She spotted her favorite bench and dragged Calum, which is already entered the state of tranquility with her palms resting against his.
They sat comfortably despite the bench being cold as heck.
"Why aren't you in school? You are still young." He asked out of the blue, he was just wondering and thinking of questions that can patch holes.
"I can ask the same about you but I think the person that told you my story didn't elaborate." Calum tried to remember but he wasn't paying full attention to Luke that day so maybe he missed some parts.
"But anyways, it was sophomore year when a boy decided to make a mistake by talking to me one day. Me as me, snapped at him but he was so persuasive. He said he's like those boys in books, but turns out he wasn't. Days passed, i was impressed by his consistency and decided to give it a chance. I let him take me on a date, pour sweet words into my throat and get into my veins. Eventually we became a thing they call couple. The first few months were so okay, I was inlove so was he; or I thought so. Then one day he said let's do what couples do. I wasn't so dumb to not know what he's talking about so I agreed, given that I am inlove. He snuck into my window while I told my parents I am gonna sleep already because there's finals tomorrow. I hurriedly went upstairs and the moment I got in the room he started kissing me, roughly. The night almost end up perfectly. Almost." He watched her eyes fall up and down, her hand gestures as if it can help her remind what happened in the past. Sadly, she is using both hands so Calum's hands were cold once again.
"He did not wear a condom. He said he thought I was on pill. I said "I am a fucking virgin why the fuck I would be on pill?" And then we started freaking out quietly, since we don't have to add more trouble by waking my parents up. We started searching if pulling out is effective and such. The internet said it was, but my uterus didn't agree. I got pregnant, and when I was about to tell him that, I caught him kissing another girl. I cried so hard that night, I could've replaced the ocean with my tears. He confessed the truth and said it was all a bet. And he said he was sorry because he didn't mean to get me pregnant, that he is just supposed to take away my v-card. I cried harder after that, even my mother noticed and attempted to make me spill it out but it didn't worked. I felt like a doll, in a bad way. Being played but when they don't want it anymore, they'll just leave it." He tried to detect any form of tears in her eyes but there weren't any. That boy made the cruelest thing in the world; taking her deepest emotions and turning it into solid, sort of unbreakable form. But not a rock, a diamond.
"My tummy got bigger and I slowly detached myself from my parents. I knew they would be so mad, like monster mad. One day at school, Michael, my only friend that stuck after this bump happened, told me that my ex boyfriend got another girl pregnant. I shook my head in disgust and hatred. I don't know what to do that time, especially because the bump is getting big. Then one night, my father is shaking from anger as he held a letter from the office of my school saying I might have the symptoms of being pregnant. I was always puking at school and often sent to the nurse. My father's eyes went to the bump and to my face. He slapped me, I can't hardly feel my face that night. My mother was crying but was afraid to say a word because of my father. After that he directly defenestrated me. Not literally, but almost. And that is the cause of my miscarriage. I was lucky Michael is just few blocks away. I managed to make a call and made him take me to the hospital before I lose all the fluid I have. I did not see my ex after he confessed, not even after my miscarriage. My parents won't answer the door and my calls. Even if he is the cause of the death of an innocent. They officially disregarded me as their child. But I snuck into my window to grab few of my things, and I didn't get enough money, so here I am working my ass off to pay atleast my bills and trying not to be a mediocre in this world." She stretched her arms as if she didn't told Calum one of the tragic events that he heard.
"You kept saying "him" or "ex boyfriend"." He noticed, placing his arms on the bench.
"His name just brings back more memories, mostly bad ones. But his name is Luke. Luke Hemmings."
Calum have never been shocked like that on his own very life.
--
wOOOOPS HI
THIS CHAPTER IS DEEPER THAN YOUR 3 am thoughts loLJK THIS IS WHAG I WRITE IF I READ TO MUCH TWEETS FROM THOSE POETRY ACCOUNTS SMh
YOU ARE READING
smoke {c.h}
Fanfiction"vodkas, sex and cigarettes are just some of people's way to vent out the shit that the universe throws to them, but mine's different." "it's you. you're my vodka, my sex, and my beloved cigarettes."
