Once Again

Chapter 13: Present Day

I threw a small birthday party at my place to celebrate both Rhys's and my birthday. We were born a week apart. I figure it's a good excuse to get him around our old friends again. I don't like thinking of him in that massive house while his two teens are out with their friends with him surrounded by memories of his loss. I hope I can help him remember some of the good times we all had together. It ends up being worth it based on the smile I see on his face as he talks to Bridget, Rachel, Ryan, and Ben. .
We all reminisce over silly high school and college stories. We didn't meet Bridget until college when she and Ben began dating. They're married now with two little kids of their own. It's like old times, but with all of us hopefully a little more mature and gray.
Rhys sighs contentedly after everyone leaves and he hangs back to help me clean up.
"I needed that." He says opening a trash bag, gathering empty cups and plates.
"I know." I smile.
"It makes me sad though." He gives me a rueful smile.
"Why?"
"Because it shouldn't have been so long. I just let...life get carried away. You blink and it's like 20 years passed. It just happened ."
"Yeah, I guess it can be like that." I say though I don't know if I relate.
"Do you ever look back and think about different decisions you made and where your life would be if you had chosen something different? Even small things?"
All the time. "No, I find it best not to dwell." I shake my head.
He looks at me thoughtfully before proceeding to continue to throw trash away. "You're stronger than me. Always have been."
I take a deep breath. I won't deny this as the truth. Rhys always seemed to have life handed to him for the most part. If he wanted something he got it. He didn't seem to have to plan things out either. Things were either planned for him or things just worked out the way he wanted. I planned things and life would laugh at them. I had to overthink things and then still struggle to get to where I needed to be going. I wouldn't change that though. I'd like to think it helped me build character as my parents were so apt to want. That it helped me gain an insight and awareness Rhys only seems to be grappling with now at the ripe age of 41.
"Rhys, you can't live in regret. Things sometimes happen for a reason and you have to take those lessons from the past and apply them as best as you can now." I say closing my outside doors. "I'm not going to deny that you had a lot of things kind of easy for you in life, but I get no pleasure in seeing you struggle with it now. Life can be quite brutal and unfair in that way."
He blows out a shaky breath. "That's one way to put it."
"Come on." I nod towards my porch and grab two beers.
He follows me and we sit on my porch swing taking in the cool early summer air.
He looks at me cracking a small smile over the lip of his beer.
"What?" I blink
"Nah...it's just cool seeing the woman you've become." He smiles, taking a swig of beer. "You were like this—pardon me, awkward insecure girl when we met and now you're a woman who is comfortable with herself. It's amazing to see."
I smile "Thank you. I'd like to think I'm not just a ball of insecurity and venom anymore."
"I mean...I'm not saying you still don't have venom." He teases.
"Yeah, I was an angry little shit wasn't I? I gave up trying to put out that fire long ago." I shrug "I just know how to use my words appropriately now and things that used to bother me don't anymore."
"Yeah, death—loss, has a way of putting things into perspective doesn't it?" He says softly looking out at the green yard stretching in front of us.
"Sure does." I say and we fall into a silence.
My father died of a sudden heart attack shortly after I graduated college. Rhys was there for both me and my family during it. It helped us grow close again at first but I grew further away from myself. I ran from myself and the pain a year later. My father's death was a catalyst for my own life tilting a 180 much like Rhys's wife's death seems to be for him.