The slurs from no one

12 2 2

by supersparklingshinin

by supersparklingshinin

Ron was checking his mailbox. He also checked Harry's, because even though Harry died, he wanted to see the interesting letters he got from various Romanian sex workers that still thought he was alive to send them his money.
Lately though, Ron had been getting excessive letters sent to Harry's mailbox. They started out seemingly normal, but got more and more AGGRESIVE over time, like an ox who's balls have been ripped off by a ferret. The 35th one looked like this; and it was when Ron decided to try to do something.

ＦＡＧＦＡＧＦＡＧＦＡＧＦＡＧＦＡＧＦＡＧＦＡＧＦＡＧＦＡＧＳＭＥＬＬＹＳＭＥＬＬＹＮＯＰＡＲＥＮＴＳＣＲＡＣＫＥＲＣＲＡＣＫＥＲＣＲＡＣＫＥＲＣＲＡＣＫＥＲＣＲＡＣＫＥＲＮ＊＊＊＊＊Ｎ＊＊＊＊＊Ｎ＊＊＊＊＊Ｎ＊＊＊＊＊ＳＭＥＬＬＹＳＭＥＬＬＹＭＵＤＢＬＯＯＤＮＯＰＡＲＥＮＴＳＩＦＵＣＫＥＤＹＯＵＲＭＯＭＡＮＤＹＯＵＲＤＡＤＢＥＦＯＲＥＴＨＥＹＤＩＥＤＡＮＤＷＥＮＴＴＯＨＥＬＬＡＮＤＬＩＣＫＥＤＳＡＴＡＮ'ＳＦＡＴＣＨＥEＫＳＬＩＫＥＴＨＥＹＤＥＳＥＲＶＥ
Signed sincerely,
Yoflam Ocard

Ron found something quite sussy baka about these letters. It was the 35th one, and they used the same name every time, Yoflam Ocard. Ron had severe dyslexia, so he couldn't read the name backwards. And since English class didn't exist to Wizards, Ron took the letters up to Professor Mcgonnagle for help.

Up at the door of her office, a big rusty sign that read, "CAUTION: IF ALLERGIC TO YODELING, DO NOT ENTER"
Ron gulped and opened the door. Her was always scared of Swedish people.
"COME INSIDE" An old woman yodeled.
Ron entered the door and pissed himself and before he could say anything, she screamed that for the last time, she wouldn't give professor SNAPE head.
Ron said okay. Knees, weak and quivering he handed her the letter and asked her to read it.
Read it she did, and she called Ron a retard.
"It was signed backwards. Can't you read, dickhead?"
"No, I'm dyslexic, that entirely the point..." Ron gulped.
"NO ATTICUDE!"
Ron knew she probably meant "attitude" but he didn't have the shiny balls to say anything.
"It's signed backwards, Draco MALFOY, now get the fuck out of my face you little twink, I have house Elf smoothies to drink."
"Thanks? Wait wha-"
"NO!" She banged the table. "I MEANT PEANUT JUICE!"
Ron looked at a name tag on her suit that said "allergic to peanuts"
Enough with her bullshit, Ron just took the advice and left. Now he just had to ask around the common room for information on Draco, but he had severe social ineptitude and severely deformed ears, so he snuck around at night on a path Harry showed him when they wanted to smuggle weed from the Slythern students. Ron finished his trek and found a good convinient box of crates to hide behind. He would've used a spell or something, but he skips classes because each class he gets spanked for not being able to read, and it was so excessive, he figured they knew he was dyslexic and were just kinky.
Ron listened in on a few slitherin folk.
"Duuuhuhuude, remember that stuck uuuup rich boy Drahco???" Said one Surferin student.
"Yeeeaaaah brah, he was loike,,, tohtally silly." Replied the other.
"I heard little bro was like, a crazy attention seeker, brah. Whipped his schlong out in front of everyone, and his balls were so walnutty he was sent to Askaban."
"Bahahaha!! Graat one brah, heh, but where's he, like, you know, actually go?"
"Oh, I'm not joking, brah, dude actually got sent there. We smoke this much Weed for a reason brah, this school is like, totally messed up, yo."
"Yeah brah, but if you give the professor house elf smoothies, she'll like, totally let you send letters to Romanian sex workers!"
"DAYM, Male too?" The student asked excitedly.
"Yeah, I know one named Stefan, his balls-"
Ron decided to leave, because he got enough information.
Now he just needed to head to Askaban, and get the meaning behind the letters. Despite his dyslexia, Ron wanted to overcome it with a journalism career, and he wanted to publish on the titular letters.