a drink and fries (jungkook x male reader)

chapter 8

*Jungkook's pov*

When y/n's driver dropped me off at my dorm, I was glad to see that all the lights were off and everyone was asleep. I climbed into my bed and got under the covers, but I could not fall asleep. Why did I say these hurtful things to y/n? Obviously he had lied to make me feel better. I should've known earlier. And why was I pushing him to relive one of the worst parts of his life? It's all my fault.

But some of the things I said were true. I didn't feel like y/n loved me as much as I loved him. Did he even care that my entire time as part of BTS was for him? I wanted him to live through me, and he'd always be there with me in spirit. Instead, he just turned his back on me. I loved, no, I love him so much that this pain I feel is almost unbearable. He turned his back on me, but in the car, I turned my back on him. What if I could go back to the night after we found out who got into BTS?

*Flashback*

I couldn't sleep. In the trainee dorms, I was on the top bunk and y/n was on the bottom one. I stared up at the cracks in the ceiling, dreading the next few years of my life. Y/n was my best friend, my best everything. How could I be separated from him? I loved him too much to do this by myself.

I lay awake for what felt like hours. Everyone else had fallen asleep long before, but it was like I had downed 5 cups of coffee. I trembled anxiously. But then I got an idea in my head. Y/n had always made me feel better. I climbed down from my top bunk and sat on the bottom bed listening to his rising and falling breaths. As soon as we got back to our dorms, y/n had gone to bed without even showering or brushing his teeth. He lay there in his jacket under the blankets, his disheveled but soft hair visible.

I wanted to run my hands through it so badly.

So I tentatively reached out my hand toward y/n's head, my fingers making contact with his hair. Taking my time, I moved my hand through it, smoothing out the parts where it stuck up. It was like touching a cloud, if one ever could. A calming sensation washed over me, and a soft smile appeared on my face. I was always too scared to ask y/n if I could pet him like this, but I knew he would say yes. He was always so nice to me. Finally, I pulled my hand away, and I might have been imagining it, but y/n's mouth curled into a slight smile.

I'll miss him so much, and I don't know if I'll ever see him again. Management regulates the lives of Kpop stars so much. Would I ever be able to talk to him, touch him, or even see him anymore? I got another idea. The best and worst idea of my life.

Slowly, I leaned farther and farther towards y/n, and my lips touched his warm forehead. My body immediately started warming up. I pulled away from y/n after a few moments, and the happiness and excitement I felt from doing that slowly faded away. If this was my last moment with y/n, at least I got to show him my true feelings for him even if he wasn't awake to acknowledge me.

I laid my hand on his shoulder so I could feel warm again, and I sat there for a long moment, until I began to drift off to sleep. I climbed back up to my own bed, my body turning back into ice. I trembled again. Why did life have to be like this? Why couldn't I be with y/n forever? As tears began streaming down my face onto my blankets, I slowly drifted off to sleep.

I guess this is my life now.

*Flashback ends*

I sobbed into my pillow so none of the other members could hear me.