My Inner Submissive

19.

Real Talk

I slowly open my eyes; I turn over in bed, and I don't see him. I don't know when he left. It's now Monday; it's time to leave. I look around, trying to find the clock I saw yesterday. It says 6. It doesn't say AM or PM. I don't know the time I fell asleep, but I think it was 2 pm or something.

I look at the door and see it's open. I walk out and make my way to my room. I take a shower. I don't know where Donovan is. When I'm done, I walk around the house until I find him. He's in the living room, watching tv. I quietly kneel beside him.

"Rose, go put on some clothes and then come back. We're done for today." Donovan says.

"Yes, Master." I reply. I turn to walk out, and I stop. I turn back around and say, "I'm sorry, but did I sleep all night? I'm not sure what time it is.

"It's still Sunday, Rose." He says with a chuckle. I nod my head and go to grab some clothes.

I get dressed and make my way back into the room, but I don't know what to do. I haven't been clothed often. I just stand at the entrance of the room awkwardly. He shuts off the TV and looks at me. I shift uneasily. He extends his hand and says, "Come here." I walk towards him and take his hand. He pulls me down to sit next to him.

"We did a lot this weekend. How do you feel?" He asks.

"Overwhelmed, but a good kind of overwhelmed. Oh, uh. Thank you for letting me sit with you." I say while fiddling with my hands. His no-touching rule comes to mind.

"I appreciate that, Rose, and that's good to hear. Overwhelming can be good at times too. Thank you for being honest." He says. "Earlier today, you wrote some things down for me, remember?"

Oh no. Of course, he remembered. "Y-Yes, Master." I say.

"Good. Please go grab them. It's in my office." He tells me.

No.... I don't want to. But I must. "Yes, Master." I respond, getting up to grab them. I definitely walked slowly back from the room. I can pass it off like I couldn't find them if he asks me what took me so long.

I come back with the paper in hand. I reluctantly hand it to him.

"No, Rose. It's not for me." He says as he shakes his head. "Are you hungry?" I nod as he gets up and walks to the kitchen. I follow him and see that he has a tiny smile. This can't be good. He isn't the kind of guy to smile a lot. You have to earn his smiles.

"Read it to me, Rose." He tells me while I stand in the kitchen, and he starts making dinner.

I take a deep breath. I wrote this, I know I had a long weekend, but I'm not timid. I need confidence. I don't have any. It's gone. My confidence done left me. So, we fake it till we make it, right?

"Of course, Master." I say. I stand straighter and look at my list.

· "My head on your thigh while you stroke my hair"

I take a deep breath. I really don't want to say this aloud. But I also knew this going into it. Figured future Rose would deal with it. And now here I am, future Rose. I'm an idiot.

· "When, umm when you fucked me with the vibrator

· Giving me two orgasms"

I am gaining a little more confidence. He is standing there next to me, stirring the pot. If he was looking directly at me, I think I would've walked out. No fucking way I could do this. I wish he had his back on me.

· "Pinning my hands above my head

· Cuddling

· My pretty little lips wrapped around your cock and

· Feeling you orgasm"

He doesn't look at me. His face stays the same. He stares out the window. The whole room is silent.

"Tell me something, not on that list. Good or bad that happened this weekend."

I kneel down next to him. I can't look at him and say these things. He didn't say I had to stand. I feel like this will be easier for me to talk to him. My kneeling caught his eye, and he turns his head, finally looking at me, watching me kneel. He doesn't say anything.

"I felt embarrassed when you made me get on the toy and just stood there staring at me. I don't like humiliation. I almost colored 'yellow.'" I said while keeping my eyes down. This was definitely easier to say while kneeling. I can't see his reaction, which is good. But he's awfully quiet.

He softly clears his throat. "Why didn't you color out?"

"I honestly didn't think it would take that long..."

I will make a note of that for the future. But you have to be honest, Rose. I don't know you well enough to know what is ok and what is pushing you to your limit. Every time I see you, I learn more, and obviously, I have your file. But that's not enough. I need to trust that you will tell me what I need to hear. Can you do that for me?"

"Yes, Master. I'm sorry."

"You're forgiven. Next time, there will be punishment. Now, tell me something good."

I think for a second. "I liked that you made me feel safe after I started to break down."

"What part made you feel safe?"

"When you held me and then stayed with me till I fell asleep."

"Do you like kneeling when we talk?"

"Yes, Master."

"Why?"

"It calms me down and reminds me that I need to be submissive in my conversation with you. It's not as intimidating as talking to you face to face."

"Do I intimidate you?"

"Yes, Master"

I finally look up, and I see him leaning against the counter across from me, arms crossed, staring at me, deep in thought.

"Would you like to hear my favorite parts of the weekend?" He says.

"Yes, please, Master." I say, still looking at him.

He bends down so we are eye level. "Look into my eyes, do not look away, Rose."

I just slightly nod my head, staring deep into his eyes.

"I liked when you knelt by my side when I was at my desk." My cheeks start to get hot.

"I liked fucking you with a dildo." Umm. Me too, man. Me too....

"I liked cumming in your mouth and watching you swallow my cum."

"I especially liked making you feel safe. That is my job. To make you feel safe, and I'm glad I could." He gently kisses my forehead and stands up.

"Why don't you help me serve dinner?" He says, motioning for me to grab the plates.