My Inner Submissive

9

~Waiting for What Seems Like Forever~

It has been about two weeks and I have been putting off this homework assignment that my Master gave me. I just keep daydreaming about that weekend. It was perfect. It happened so fast. It was scary, but wonderful at the same time. In the email that contained the homework assignment, Master told me that it would be a while before he would be able to see me. That was frustrating.

I'm currently sitting in the school library, looking at the homework he sent me.

1. Take the BDSM test and write down your top six results.

2. Read about the history of BDSM, I personally like this website. I would like you to read it and then feel free to explore other places and books yourself.

3. Tell me your thoughts on what you've read.

4. Answer the following questions

- Why do you want to be a submissive?

- Do you find submission a turn on? If so, how?

- Do you think, in our Dom/sub relation, that mutual respect is less or more important, and why?

5. Send me a fantasy you have. It can be typed, like a story, or just send me the basics.

I hate homework, but somehow this doesn't feel like homework. I want to do this and am excited to learn all I can about this world. It's a good thing I am in a corner at the library. No one can see my computer this way. That would be embarrassing.

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My alarm goes off at 6:30am. I feel so groggy. Why did I take an 8am class? I look at my clock, it says 6:32am. I look at the drawer under my alarm. I know what's in there. And I know what I want to do. I have some time before I need to get ready. A quick session should be fine.

Master's text pops into my mind.

Remember Rose, text me if you need anything. Remember the rules. I don't want to punish you. Don't feel embarrassed to ask me for anything. Everyone needs to orgasm.

That's embarrassing. I typically do it multiple times a week. I have a very high sex drive. I didn't think this through when I signed up for this. What if he doesn't respond until I am out and doing something? What if he says no?? Ugh. Really didn't think this through. Maybe I can't do this. I can email him and tell him this isn't for me.

No. I don't quit because things are hard. My mom raised me better than that. I'll just take it one day at a time. Of course, I have little to no self-control when it comes to sexual pleasure. But I can do this, right? Right. I can do this.

I should email him and ask or just do it. He won't know if I don't ask and just do it anyway. He told me before I left that weekend that we wouldn't see each other for a few weeks. But on the other hand, if I don't ask enough, he'll definitely know something is up. And that's not being truthful and giving him all of me. That is part of this experience. Giving up what I want, because he knows better.

Here goes nothing. I will compose a very professional text and hope he says yes. And doesn't ask me to send proof. Oh. I didn't think of that. Sending nudes wasn't in our contract. I can always say no. And trust comes first. I don't know if I trust him enough to send confirmation.

I shake my head. It's fine. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. I pick up my phone. It's 6:35am. If he doesn't respond soon, I can't do it. Fuck it. I put my phone down and grab my trusty vibrator. It's a wand massager, but I call it Joey. It's purple, just like most things in my life.

"Alright Joey, we have a limited amount of time. Don't you let me down."

I hold it in my hand and realize, I can't do this. I signed a contract and agreed to ask. I'll just text him and I'll do it tonight. So long Joey. Maybe I'll see you tonight.