Soon You'll Get Better // Sandor Clegane

4. Not Today

Counting Crimes/ House of the dragon out now!

As sandors face started to heal, it was a long and slow process he became a pariah. The foolish boy who was to forever live with the hideous scars of his mistake. But the mistake wasn't a lit candle before bed, it was playing with a damn wooden knight figurine. 

Gregor didn't even play with toys anymore, he liked to hunt, to beat animals to a bloody pulp with his bare hands. To beat people for nothing. Sandor had seened Gregor kill a man for snoring, a grown man. Gregor was still a teen and still the world looked the other way, maybe for the fear of being next. Gregors next victim. 

 sandor didn't know why it was such a problem. playing with the damn figurines, fuck figurines. Never again. Gregor didn't say anything, just grabbed the scruff of his neck forcing him into the fire. Holding him down, a smug smile on his face. Sandor screamed in pain, the memory haunted him every night. The smell, forever in his nose. 

He woke up gasping for breath but his racing heart settled seeing Estella curled up next to him. She refused to leave his side. She said she would protect him from Gregor. No one else was seeming to. She was going to try, because horrible things didnt deserve to happen to good people, to good little boys like Sandor.  Gregor didn't bother sandor though, he came to smirk, laugh at his brothers face but didn't touch him again.

Estella spent all her time with sandor, Heavens knew the boy needed it. She was constantly making new tonics, changing his bandages and nursing him back to normal. Sandor stared back at Estella as she discarded the bandages looking over the progress. Her face close to his. She worried about an infection, if the scars healed then he would be just have to deal with that... but otherwise infections would be worse. She made new tonics to help wean off possible infections. 

Every day and most nights she was at his beside. Talking with him during the day as she worked, learning all about him. But she didnt have much to say about herself. She loved her work and her work was her life. She liked the dogs in the kennel though, said she always wanted a pup of her own and sandor wanted to be the one to give her a hound of her own. 

He watched her work with a mortar and pestle. New tonics and creams, potions, all for him. He looked to her book on his bedside table, her shoes tossed aside on the floor, a shiver went through her at the harsh winter outside, she looked to Sandors window, it never quite closed properly. Estella grumbled shaking it uselessly. 

"You can have my shirt." Sandor remarked and Estella turned back to him. 

"I'm so sorry, this darn window." Estella whispered. "I didnt mean to wake you up."

"You didnt." Sandor assured. "You're cold." he reminded her. 

"OH I'm alright." Estella corrected but the shiver that went through her as she moved away from the window gave it away. 

"Take one of my shirts." Sandor begged. 

"Thank you." She whispered pulling open the wardrobe. 

Thank you, sandor thought fondly. She spilled it on over her dress and it fit, a boy of barely nine and she fit into his clothes, that was just a strange thought and Estella was not a little thing either. She had curves.  A smile curved his lips though, it hurt to smile and his eyes pinched closed. But seeing her in his shirt, he had suddenly had their whole life planned out. Estella moved to his side reaching for his hand. 

"You want to get out of bed today?" Estella pondered. "Stretch your legs? I would be happy to join you."

"Not today." Sandor corrected softly and Estella nodded understanding. "I'm never going to be who I was..." Sandor whispered. "I'm never..." she pressed a kiss to his hand. 

"You may not ever be able to get out of bed in the morning with that security. That moment of okay may never come. All you can do is try to find a new balance, a new starting point."" Estella offered. "It doesnt have to be today or even this moon." She added. "But my best suggestion is to find whatever love is left in your life and hold on to it tightly." She felt his hand squeeze tighter on her own. "And one day, things will have gotten less gray, less dull. One day, you might find that you have a life again that you love. A life that makes you happy. Just the way you are."

"You make me happy, Estella."