Y/n x Spider (From Avatar: The Way of Water) Part 2

Why are you doing this?

(Spider's POV)

As I walk outside, going to find Kiri, I remember the conversation that Kiri, Tuk and I had about a week ago. I think it would be embarrassing if I went over there, just to tell them that things didn't go very well with Y/n and I. I don't really want to talk about it as well.

I stop dead in my tracks and sit down on the bare floor of Pandora. I am in an open space, so I'm not very worried about something grabbing me from behind and pulling me into a bush.

I start to replay what happened this morning in my head. It gets even more embarrassing every single time that I do. Not only embarrassing for me, but also for Y/n. Does she really have that much lack of compassion? She could have at least spared a little bit of my feelings. What is wrong with her? I really don't get it. I thought things would go bad, but not as strange as that. It isn't strange, it's just sad. I feel bad for Y/n. She reads all these books that have deep emotions written in, but the only emotion that she can express is hatred. It looked like she wanted to die when she admitted how she feels for me. I feel bad for her. I feel bad for her because she only knows how to express a maximum amount of emotions. The max being two. It's really sad. Y/n hasn't ever cried in front of anyone, other than me a week ago; Y/n has never shown a large amount of happiness; Y/n has never shown a large amount of compassion, that clearly shows; Y/n has never shown a lot of fear, other than a few times; Y/n has never shown a lot of regret; Y/n only shows anger and hate. I feel bad for her, I do. It just gets really frustrating when I'm trying to tell her that I like her. I want to know how she actually feels. Although it isn't hard to read how she feels, I want HER to be able to identify her emotions on her own.

Maybe I should just stay away from her until she can do that? But how will she learn? She never talks to anyone. She only ever reads, reading is her only source of emotions. And in some of the books she reads, there is a lack of understanding. I can see why it is so hard for her to communicate.

I get up and turn back to go back to the lab. I don't really feel like seeing or talking to anyone right now. I don't think Y/n will be in the bedrooms, so I'll just stay there and try to entertain myself as much as possible. Maybe I can steal a book from Y/n's book corner while she's not there?

When I finally reach the lab, I go inside and take off my oxygen mask. I immediately walk into the bedrooms and go in my bed to lay down. I don't really have anything to entertain myself, so I just decide to take a nap.

I end up sleeping fully overnight, somehow.

When I wake up in the morning, I don't even look over to see if Y/n is still in bed. I feel like if she doesn't care, I shouldn't either.

I get up and out of bed and get ready for my day. My day in which I have nothing to do.

I have the urge to talk to Y/n, but I'm not really in the mood to get shut out again.

I roll my eyes to myself. Why do I have to like Y/n?

I go back to the bedrooms, to lay down in bed and just chill, because I have nothing better to do.

I hear Y/n shuffling around in her bed. Why did we have to be put in the same bedrooms together? Sure, we're both human. It doesn't matter. I'm sure it does, but not to me.

It has only been less than 48 hours. It's only been less than 48 hours and I already miss Y/n. I miss talking to her. I miss just having her look at me.

At that moment, I contemplate whether or not manifesting is real, because just as I think of her, I hear her voice call out my name, "Spider?"

I don't turn around and I just ignore her voice.

But then she calls my name again, "Spider?"

I just cover myself more with my blankets, so that she knows I'm awake, I just don't want to talk to her. I know, it is a mean thing to do. Still, I need to send a message.

"Spider... Why are you doing this?" Y/n asks, her tone making her sound desperate for my response.

"Doing what?" I ask, fully aware of what I'm doing.

"Ignoring me."

"I'm not."

I am.

"You are." Y/n sounds almost sad.

I don't respond, which I now realize is further proving her point. Whatever.

"Do you hate me?" Y/n asks. The words sound almost fake, coming from Y/n and all. Why would she want to know if I hate her? She shouldn't care if I hate her or not. She normally doesn't.

I don't respond. Not because I am ignoring her, but because I don't have an answer. Of course, I do have an answer: No. But why would I answer such a ridiculous question?

Instead of answering, like I should, I turn around to look at Y/n. My face is still very much upset-looking.

And then it happens. Something that I never thought could.

Y/n starts violently sobbing. She drops onto her bed and cries. It is the most desperate, upset cry I've ever heard before. I get up and out of my bed swiftly and go sit down on her bed, next to Y/n. I try to touch her face, to get her to look at me, but she slaps my hand away before I can.

Between sniffles, Y/n lets out a whole speech, "I can't have you hate me, Spider. I just can't. You were the only one who ever cared. I can't have you stop caring. I just can't. If you don't care, who will? I have nobody but you. You are the only one I have, and I can't lose you. Especially not when I'd be the reason why you'd be leaving. I'm sorry if I hurt you. I'm sorry if I made you feel less-than. I'm sorry if I made you feel unwanted. I'm sorry if I made you feel ignored. I'm sorry if I made you feel stupid. I'm sorry if I made you feel miscommunicated. I know I wouldn't want to feel any of those things, and I can't even believe that I had the absolute audacity to make you feel those things. I don't even know what is wrong with me. I can't express my own emotions correctly. You're always the one that I let everything out onto. I'm sorry. I know you don't deserve anything that I've ever done, or said, to you. I don't deserve you in my life. I am not deserving of your kindness. I am not deserving of your patience with me. I am not deserving of your love. I am not deserving of you. I don't even know why we were put together."

"Come here." I say, pulling Y/n into my shoulder. I let her cry there. Although, I am very shocked at what is happening right now, I know she needs comfort.

I reassure Y/n, "I don't hate you. I never did. I never will. I have cared and I will continue to until we die, and even then, I will still care. You did hurt me, but that is fine. I'm okay. It's nothing that can't heal. All wounds heal, Y/n. You never once made me feel unwanted or miscommunicated. So what if you made me feel stupid or ignored, you were the one that reversed those feelings. You fixed the problems. Like you always do. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you, Y/n. There's no need to be sorry, I know you. I know that you don't actually mean all of the rude things that you say. You don't deserve me, you deserve better. You are deserving of the most kindness, the most patience and the most love that anyone has to offer. We were put together by luck. It's lucky love, Y/n."

After a while of silence, Y/n has stopped crying.

"Are you alright now?" I ask.

No response.

I feel her slip down and her head falls into my chest. She's asleep.

I lie her down, gently and pull some blankets over her.

I stare at her for a while, and then I go sit in my bed and decide what to do. I just decide to go back to sleep, it is pretty early in the morning and I have nothing better to do.

I lay down in my bed and try to fall asleep.

While I am trying to sleep, I think about Y/n. I feel really bad for her, and not in a petty way. I truly do feel terrible. I know how it feels to hate yourself for hurting someone that you love. It really is not a great feeling.

I close my eyes and drift off to sleep.